I really want to write. I sit down to write and thoughts just muddle around in my brain. What do I think I’m doing? Who do I think I am? I have loads of great thoughts and profundities, but putting it out on paper, or a blog post, seems to be impossible.
I am satisfied with life at the moment, and it seems that it is harder to compose anything meaningful when things are just trucking along. I’m still settling into a new living arrangement, and it is going well, but I am lacking time for creative endeavors. I think about writing an autobiography, or a fiction book based on people I’ve met at my apartment complex, or a children’s book. I want to make beautiful paintings, or take beautiful photographs.
Then there’s exercise, or lack thereof. I sit all day at work and fear my body is going to change shape as a result. Three years ago I had a personal trainer, and muscles, and was running. I feel that my body is softer, and slower, and I fear the consequences. Yet -the motivation isn’t strong enough to make a big change. Or maybe it’s the weather – it is too hot to do much moving. I’ve gotta blame something!
What I really want is to figure out a way to have the income that I have now, or more, and not have to put in so many hours in a windowless office doing work that for the most part doesn’t really help people live better lives. I keep asking the universe, have taken one step this year into a business that is going no where.
I read all the time – articles about taking risks, and living a live that I won’t regret — but my training is in nursing, my life experience has been mothering — and I’m afraid to take the risk of jumping off the cliff into the unknown. It’s a catch 22 – right now I need to go to work so I’ll have money to eat and live, which means I don’t have time to do the things I want to do. But if I didn’t go to work, then I wouldn’t have money to do the things I want to do.
Everything sounds so great on the internet — put your email in here and I’ll send you these great tips on how your life can change for the better. Then I have to spend time unsubscribing from useless lists, or being bombarded in my inbox by things that don’t help.
Anyone out there share my frustration?