Author: Sara Moser

Here I go again

Sara Moser1 Comment

Uncertainty, again.

Things are changing in my workplace.

The boss who has only been there 7 months is leaving. Some of my co-workers are looking to me for leadership, but this is not my path, I don’t want it. I want to stay settled in my little space until I decide it is time for change.

But that’s not the way it works.

In addition to that, my little office space, where I’ve been settled for a good four of the six years I’ve been employed at this hospital, is being commandeered by someone else. I was told that I would have to move to a non-private space on the first floor, but still be the case manager for the fourth floor. I said no, no way, no how.

This is not only impractical and not the only solution, but it shows blatant disrespect for all the case managers in my hospital. My first thought when I was informed of this potential move was “they have no idea what I do!” It is simply not acceptable to me, or to anyone in my department.  We feel like this is an affront to Case Management in general.

So I got really angry, in a way that I haven’t in a long time. Since I started meditating regularly about two years ago, I generally don’t get upset about much. I want to approach all situations and all people with a heart of love. But this hit a nerve. Fortunately, I was able to process through that first day, think about what was important to me, and go back to work the next day.

Because I thought about just quitting. Or at least resigning. Maybe this is a push from the universe. Sometimes I’m too tenacious, hold on to things for too long. I’ve done it in jobs before, and in marriage.  And I’d had a plan, last year, to make a change in June of 2016 – I am finishing my Ayurvedic Practioner Studies, and could live on savings for at least a couple of months.

But then I changed my mind, decided to try to hold on another year until my youngest graduates from college, pad my wallet a little more, build a practice while still being employed.  So then this happens. It really gave me pause.

wp-1464454141289.pngSo we shall see. This could be that final straw. Another solution that I proposed has been accepted, I’m told. However, it involves putting a door up where there is none, and I might be asked to vacate my space before they do that. Again, I will say no. I will move when and if I have an acceptable space. And if that’s not ok with the powers that be, I will move out of the building and on to what is next for me.

I’m actually getting a little excited about that prospect.

The next few weeks are going to be interesting.

 

The love of dogs and the honesty of cats

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I grew up with a Labrador retriever, but as an adult have mostly had cats as pets. In fact, just a few years ago I had five cats. I am currently petless, and have no plans to add animals to my household.

I’ve rather avoided dogs, for the most part. They drool, and lick, and sniff in a sometimes embarrassing way. Small dogs yip, and uncontrolled big dogs can be scary.

It has been said by more than one person  that when you feed a dog they think you are a god, but when you feed a cat they think they are God.

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Ralphie

On my recent trip to Maine, I stayed with a family which included a dog that I fell totally in love with. Once we got past the excitement of meeting a new person, and the mutual acceptance that occurred, Ralphie did what dogs do best. She hung around looking at me soulfully, nuzzled and licked my hand, and I couldn’t resist her. I petted her, and she lay her head on my lap, then curled up at my feet.  Her presence was love.

I wanted to take her home with me. She made me change my mind about having a dog, if I can have one like her, that is for sure!

“The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.― Johnny Depp

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Chapel

 

And then there are cats. Cats just really don’t care what you think. Even when they rub your legs, or sit in your lap, they do it for themselves. In a way, I have related well to cats because of this attitude – “I gotta take care of me.” However, when people act this way all the time, those around them tend to see them as selfish, cold, and uncaring. Which is probably why people are attracted to them. They act like we don’t allow ourselves to, most of the time.

I rescued this beautiful cat when she was small and malnourished, outside a church. She is now well-fed, living with my son in Massachusetts. When I visited her, she showed no sign that she was happy or grateful. She is very pretty and soft, which is the main reason people like having them.

“A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.”
― Ernest Hemingway

for some fun cat facts check this out:  sorry, but your cat is actually a total jerk

Snow in April and other stories

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As I mentioned in my last post, I traveled to Maine last week.

I was expecting spring weather, flowers blooming – but oops! The difference in latitude could definitely be seen and felt! I left the balmy almost 80 degrees of my Texas Gulf Coast home, where flowers were blooming, and experienced 4 days of snow and ice!

It was just a “light dusting” to the locals, but if we’d gotten that much snow at home, it would have shut down the schools and a good many businesses. But as those of you who live in those climes know, it is just another ordinary day of life in the north. So now I’ve got DRIVING IN SNOW and WALKING CAREFULLY ON ICY SIDEWALKS on my list of new wp-1460251451251.jpegexperiences that I don’t particularly want to repeat. The thing about snow is, it makes ugly beautiful. All the trees looked pretty dead. Add snow, and voila, a picture postcard appears.

I stayed in a bedroom at the home of Michael and Diane, found through airbnb as usual. They were great hosts, my bed was really comfortable, and their dogs were awesome. It was way better (and cheaper) than staying in a hotel.

The snow and ice were followed by rain on my day of departure from Portland. The temperature warmed to the lower 50’s and it almost seemed like a Houston winter. I meandered down the coast a bit, then turned inland through New Hampshire and down to Northampton, Massachusetts to spend a few hours with my son who lives there. In spite of the rain, I enjoyed the drive, staying off the main roads as much as possible, going through the mountains, and appreciating the old architecture in the small towns along the way.

Northampton is in a beautiful part of the country, nestled along the west bank of the Connecticut River. I enjoyed my visit with my son (22 years old, and works as an early morning baker), and spent the night in an upstairs bedroom of a cool old house I found on airbnb. wp-1460255086849.jpegIn the morning, after a latte and zucchini oatmeal muffin at the Tart Baking Company,  I chose Route 5  instead of the interstate and fell in love with the beauty of my surroundings. The road runs parallel to the river for a bit, and I could imagine how it must look in the fall when the colors of the trees are changing in their full glory. It was the most beautiful place I drove through, and I’d like to return in October!

I had decided, since my flight from Boston didn’t leave until 5:30, that I would go to Rhode Island, since it was the only New England state I hadn’t visited. I found a vegetarian restaurant called the Garden Grille Cafe in Pawtucket, and I wasn’t disappointed. My lunch was a quesadilla filled with roasted butternut squash, black beans, avocado, and monterrey jack cheese. Best meal the whole trip!  Before I headed to the Boston airport, I visited the Seekonk River and communed with the ducks for a while.

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I was overcome with gratefulness for much of my time on the road, in spite of the less than desirable weather. I have been able to travel to so many beautiful places, and there are more to come. I have been enriched by the people I’ve met along the way. Life is good!

Inspiration

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I spent five days with an amazing and inspiring group of people.

As part of my studies with New World Ayurveda, I traveled to Portland, Maine to participate in the first of two Clinical Intensives. Since I enrolled in this course about a year ago,I have been learning how to “read” people through looking at them externally, through pulse diagnosis, and in other subtle ways. It was really neat to get together and practice on each other. There’s nothing better than getting together with a group of likeminded people to boost one’s confidence!

Getting to know my co-students, hearing their stories, becoming friends through the intimacy of sharing our stories – that was even better. I was amazed to meet so many who have already walked through their fear and are living their passion, inspiring me that I CAN DO THIS, to stop looking back and keep looking forward.  I made new friends who give of themselves to pursue what they love, caring for family or traveling long distances, and just keep doing what they love. They gave me much to think on.

wp-1460249516517.pngWhat kept coming up, as others practiced on me, is that I still have some issues from the past that aren’t resolved. I have generally thought of myself as stating my mind, not being afraid to say what I think, yet the subtle vibrations in my pulse said otherwise, and as it came up it resonated with me to the point of bringing tears. I realized that I am still finding my voice and learning to speak my truth.  Thus I write here, and paint, and seek  out the company of people who inspire me to go to the next level.

“At some point, if you’re fortunate, you’ll hit a wall of truth and wonder what you’ve been doing with your life. At that point you’ll feel highly motivated to find out what frees you and helps you to be kinder and more loving, less klesha driven and confused. At that point you’ll actually want to be present—present as you go through a door, present as you take a step, present as you wash your hands or wash a dish, present to being triggered, present to simmering, present to the ebb and flow of your emotions and thoughts. Day in and day out, you’ll find that you notice sooner when you’re hooked, and it will be easier to refrain. If you continue to do this, a kind of shedding happens—a shedding of old habits, a shedding of being run around by pleasure and pain, a shedding of being held hostage by worldly concerns.” ~ Pema Chodron

I am inspired to push through the next wall of fear, to not look back, to dream big, to trust my intuition, and to love MORE.

If you want to learn more about ayurveda, New World Ayurveda is offering an introductory course. Check it out!

Through the eyes of a two year old

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I spent some time with my granddaughter yesterday. She is at that age where she has started to think about things, but is not yet able to express all her ideas verbally. She is stringing words together, but most of what she says is delightfully unintelligible.

“Swing and slide?” she asked in her sweet baby voice. So I put her in her stroller with her baby doll and pushed her the mile to the park, a green patch in the city. I wonder what she thinks, as the cars swoosh by, and we pass random people. She puts out her hand to touch some hedges along the side walk. We stop to smell some flowers.

She got restless the last quarter mile or so, asking me questions I couldn’t understand, talking and occasionally singing. I was glad she was happy, and I would point out things along the way, telling her we were almost there. Finally, we were at the green, first passing the dog park, which brought on a stream of dog like sounds from baby, then there we were at the playground. There were a lot of other kids and parents out on this warm February day.

wp-1456191076862.jpegI helped her out of the stroller and she headed for the swings. All but one were occupied, so I lifted her up into it, and “swing, swing” she laughed and sang as I pushed her. She gazed in fascination at the little girl in the swing next to her. “Baby!” she chortled with delight.

I spent the next 45 minutes following her around the small play area, guarding her as she climbed ladders meant for older children, laughing with her as she slid down the numerous slides, pleased that she cooperated with other children. Often she would stop and just stare at another child, and I wondered what she was thinking. Another little girl around her age was not having a good day, and as my little sweetie observed her crying, she said “baby cry? night-night?” Good observation, I thought!

I was wearing out before she did, and, anticipating the trek back, coerced her back into the stroller with the promise of a snack and taking her shoes off. Thus settled, we made the journey home, with her chatter and singing delighting me. She tweeted with the birds, and, pointing out a squirrel, “get nuts?” she queried.

Arriving home, I took off my sandals and sat on the tub to wash my dusty achy feet, which turned into a bath for her!  We splashed and laughed and it was absolutely delightful!

It wasn’t until I was leaving that she had a meltdown. She was trying to communicate something to do with a toy car that looks like “Sassa’s car” and it seemed to be important that she take the car outside but since she was naked Mama and I were saying no. So she threw the car and quietly crumpled and threw herself around a bit. This is when parenting is hard. What is it going on in the mind of a two year old that is inexpressible and therefore frustrating? What is a grownup to do?

Fortunately, her mother practices gentle parenting, and spoke to her gently but firmly. She offered to put a diaper on her and take her outside, which was satisfactory. There was still something on baby girl’s mind, but she was less upset, and was happy to see my car, for whatever reason, and we kissed and hugged and I went on my way.

All this to say, a two year old lives moment to moment, joy and frustration being dealt with as it comes, and we grownups have lessons to learn from it. If you have a two year old, remember this the next time they throw a tantrum. They don’t have the words to express themselves yet, so it’s not a punishable offense. And you? Take life a little less seriously, and enjoy each beautiful moment.