Category: purpose

Uninspired

Sara Moser7 Comments

I’ve felt uninspired lately.

I haven’t even been journaling as much. I sit to write and it sounds like the same stuff over and over. Additionally, I haven’t been making much time to read other blogs, even though there are several writers I really enjoy. On top of that, I haven’t painted or taken many pictures lately. Everything just seems sorta blah.

Every so often I’ll get on wordpress, read a few posts, and wonder how people write so much, some every day. I periodically wonder why I started a blog in the first place. Oh yeah! I thought I had something to say that was inspiring. Then I got all into Blogging 101 and Photography 101 and following other blogs and hoping people would follow mine. Now I look at the list of blogs I follow and I don’t have time to read all that.  I’m not getting new followers lately — but hey! I haven’t been writing much. Would just like the stats to say woohoo! you’ve reached xxxx followers.

Sigh. That’s bullshit. That’s no reason to write, or paint, or any other pursuit.  If, in the course of writing, I put something out there and someone truly finds inspiration, great. If not, I’ve expressed myself. This is what all the great writers and painters say- do it for yourself first. So if I don’t have anything for awhile, that’s ok. I’ll read and study and travel, and be curious about everything.

So. New resolution. Stop being so concerned about putting up a blog post for the sake of putting up a blog post.  And when in the course of  the journey of life inspiration comes, go for it, in whatever form it takes.

Still facing fear

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I am reblogging my first post. I “met” another blogger who had just started Morning pages, so went back to read this. Indeed there is something magical about writing 3 pages longhand about whatever is in your head first thing in the morning. So much has opened up for me in this last year, and there is so much opening up ahead.

Facing Fear (written and posted June 20, 2014)

I chose “embracing uncertainty” as the name of my blog because this has been my life, although until recently, I couldn’t see that. I always liked the illusion of being in control, of making things happen.

Learning the seven spiritual laws has really changed the way I look at life. Detachment simply means not being attached to a particular outcome, or point of view. I get up in the morning and have no idea what the day will bring. I meet someone or have a conversation, and let life flow, as opposed to imposing my views or desires on others, or even GOD.

For three months, since I started meditating regularly, I have asked myself the soul question: Who am I? The idea is to just ask,  then meditate, with no expectations of anything. This is really an effort for me , as I like immediate answers. I recently opened a book, The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, subtitled A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity. The author suggests writing morning pages, three longhand pages of whatever comes to mind. The hope is that whatever is blocked will be released. So I have been doing this for a couple of weeks, and it has basically become a journaling. Yesterday I came across an author who mentors and got  her 21 spoonfed writing tips for finding your writing voice. The first tip is to “spend some time writing about what makes you who you are, what moments in your life have shaped you.” Wow. Same as the soul question.

So I sat to write. And admitted on paper that I resist this exploration. And started writing, not expecting much. But as I wrote, I was able to see that I am a passionate, loving woman, and I give myself wholly to those I choose to love. As I continued to explore events and people who have shaped me and my life, I had what to me was an amazing aha revelation – the facing of fear has shaped me in a major way. And this:

Facing fear is like walking blindfolded through a wall of flame, not knowing how badly I might be burned, or if I will survive the heat, and if I do survive, not knowing what I will find on the other side or if I will be able to handle it.

Accepting the inevitability of change doesn’t mean giving up what I want. I just recognize that I control my choices, but have no idea what the consequences will be. Watching life unfold becomes wonderful instead of fearful.

I asked a question and got an answer

Sara Moser3 Comments

I had a challenging week at work.

The job itself hasn’t changed. Management has changed and is magnifying and micromanaging. On Thursday I found myself being aggressive and impatient with people. This is not what I want to do. This is not my true nature.

When I first started this job five years ago, I felt like there was opportunity to help people. I used to go to work with a prayer – let me make a positive difference in someone’s life today. And I would, either a patient or a coworker. I haven’t been doing that lately.

Thursday evening I discussed my feelings with Robert, and he suggested that I ask a specific question directed toward God, the universe, my guides, the cosmic consciousness. And expect an answer.

It’s Sunday morning and as I was waking up, I realized I had gotten the answer. When I was meditating Friday night, very briefly I saw an actual hand, then felt the index finger apply pressure on my third eye. Then I saw gold, spreading out mandala style, and in the center, a lion.

The question(s):

Is my plan to stay at my job going to allow me to serve others as I blossom into this new place in my life? Does it really have a higher purpose? Can I have joy in that place? Is it possible to refocus on making a difference, a positive difference, and let the rest go?

I’d really like a quick answer. Like today, please. 

I wrote that Friday morning. And had that experience Friday night. I guess I needed it to sink in.

The third eye is about intuition. Sometimes I see color there, or an eye, or faces. This was much more tangible, with the finger and the gold and the lion. It’s like the finger was there to emphasize to me to take notice.  I did some research on the meaning of the lion and found this here:

In the realm of spirit animals, the lion wins the prize for most relentless fighter in the face of life challenges. The lion spirit animal represents courage and strength in overcoming difficulties. The lion symbolizes:

  • Strength, assertiveness, personal power
  • A common meaning for the lion spirit animal is predatory feelings, such as anger, aggression directed at someone else or towards you
  • Personal struggle to deal with these feelings
  • Lion spirit animals warn about a threatening situation or event in your life

Gold is the color of wealth and endurance. It is the color of the sun and the lion, representing confidence and courage. Gold also pertains to divine protection and enlightenment, and spiritual power in all aspects operating for the greater good.

What I am taking from this is that I have personal power. I am strong, and I can deal with the stress of work without being unduly stressed.  With this increased awareness, I don’t have to let anyone else’s “ickiness” get on me, especially the boss’s! And I can make a positive difference in someone’s life every day, no matter where I am.

The answer is YES, to all four questions. Yes I can!

 

 

Morning Introspection

Sara Moser3 Comments

I went down to the lake this morning to drink my coffee. It is coffee, although I am gradually decreasing the coffee and increasing the Raja’s cup. Blended with butter, it is delicious.

The lake has a lot of vegetation floating on it. Robert thinks it is water hyacinth. Much haslake with water hyacinth gathered along the pier and boardwalk where I sat, contemplating and watching the birds. Lately, when I look out the window, I don’t see many birds. But sitting, they come. I don’t know the names of most of them.

There are gulls, of course, and an occasional egret. I think the large black bird is a grackle. There are smaller birds that flit quickly over the water, and seem to really like the water hyacinth islands. I wonder if there are insects there that are easy to catch. I saw a lone duck, flying low, quacking as he went. I wonder if he’s trying to catch up to his friends.

My favorite is the pelican, but there were none to be seen this morning.

My thoughts recently are wandering to the future. I want to stay in this present moment, mindfully, enjoying the beauty of the morning. Yet, I am in a spot where my life has had another turning point, and I have set a goal.

Next June, 2016, will see the culmination of some of these goals and the beginning of something else. It’s that something else that keeps causing me to wonder.

Sometime last summer or fall, it had become clear to me that it was time to think about my future. I don’t want to stay at my job forever, or even for a few more years. I want to travel, even live a gypy’s life, maybe.

Goal #1: save as much money as I can, for the time when I leave the job. Goal #2: work full time until June 2016. I will have been there for 6 years, and I will have had enough. I sometimes feel like I’ve had enough now, but practicality still reigns somewhat. I think there’s still purpose for me there. That month, I will be 59 1/2, the age of being able to withdraw some monies without penalty.

Those were my only real goals until I made the decision to enroll with New World Ayurveda. Not only is the course of study exactly what I am interested and the cost affordable, but the concluding week long intensive is in….. (drum roll, please)… June 2016!

A major shift has occurred since I began this study, a shift in my soul, a new sense of purpose. Robert, my partner, says it is visibly noticeable. I’ve had people ask me what  is happening, I have a more peaceful appearance. I can feel it inside.

I think it all started when I learned Primordial Sound Meditation and began the practice of twice daily meditation – March of last year. I don’t understand how it works, but it does.  I started stepping out of my comfort zone more and more, with painting, writing (this blog), decisions about ridding myself of toxic relationships, and other issues related to how I live day to day.

So, as I sat thinking on this, enjoying the beauty of the morning, I realized that the wondering about what would happen in June of 2016 was turning into worrying.  I was sitting in a place of beauty, so I closed my eyes, felt the air, took a few breaths, and decided that the best thing to do would be to write about it and let it go. I opened my eyes, drank in the beauty once more, and went inside to write.

Make the decision

Sara Moser3 Comments


“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back…Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!” – attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Once the commitment is made, calmness and clarity arrive. Up until that point, your mind may be full of what if’s, I can’t, this is too much, is this the wrong choice?  Then, in a moment, you take the step, you say you will, you pay your money. There’s a flurry of activity, excitement, a bit of fear…but you’re in! You’re really going to do this thing! It could be going to college, or starting a new job, or buying airline or cruise tickets, or moving across the country or across the world.

In my case, the decision was to sign up with New World Ayurveda, with the goal of becoming an Ayurvedic Practitioner. I investigated, meditated, questioned, prayed. It seemed good, and a path that fit with my passion. I wrestled in my head and heart and decided to go for it. It wasn’t that it was right or wrong, it just fit. And once I decided, I felt peace. I’ve paid my money, have access online, am waiting for some books. I can start setting goals and studying today! I’m calm and excited at the same time. I’ve started looking at the material and could easily get overwhelmed, but I refuse to go there. I’m on a path, I have purpose, and all I have to do is keep walking. The uncertainty will always be there.

embrace uncertainty