Recovering a Sense of Identity – Part Two

Embracing Uncertainty

Everything has a purpose. Even if you have spent part of your life dealing with a Crazymaker. Take it from me!

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose. — Elisabeth Kubler Ross

This post is a continuation of commentary springing from my reading of the second chapter of The Artist’s Way. If any of this is resonating with you, I highly recommend that you get this book. Even though it is supposed to be a 12 week course, life happens and if it takes 12 years that is ok.

In addition to really emphasizing the need to get away from toxic people, the author reminds us that there is a higher guidance available to us in moving through our fear and accessing our creativity. We tend to think that it is arrogant to speak of ourselves as creative artists…

View original post 544 more words

Tropical storm

As I sit writing, it is raining torrentially. There is a tropical storm visiting that goes by the name of Bill.wpid-screenshot_2015-06-17-06-37-112.jpg.jpeg

I’ve lived on the Gulf Coast all my life and hurricane watching from June to November is just something we do around here. They are unpredictable for sure. Yesterday we were supposed to get loads of rain with possible heavy flooding and people were advised to stay home, schools and universities were closed. Didn’t happen here.

The rain was happening further south, and we had alot of wind. I made it to work and back without issue. We didn’t lose power or have flooding. This morning is a different story! I will take a change of clothes and shoes with me as I set out to work, and hope that I can find my way around the water. The route I take will definitely have flooded, closed areas!

Another day, another adventure, always uncertainty!

 

A detour, a good night’s rest, and the rest of Yellowstone

No matter what you read or hear or see in pictures or movies, nothing compares to actually being there. The mountains, lakes, waterfalls, hot springs – all amazing natural beauty. (Picture gallery after text below)
While we were at the Old Faithful visitors center, we found that the direct route to Moran, where our room was reserved, was closed for a bridge repair. The way we would have to go was to retrace part of our route and make a circular path back to the road we needed beyond the bridge. It would only take about an hour longer, we were informed, so, still cheerful, off we went. It was about 7 by then, and we expected at least two more hours of daylight.
It had started raining off and on by then, but the beauty of our surroundings kept our spirits up. We had a lot to talk about, sharing stories from our adult lives, lessons learned, spiritual experiences, just everything. I was very happy I wasn’t driving, and that we were in a four wheel drive truck, because when the sun went down and it was still raining, the winding roads with wisps of fog made visibility challenging. Marcia was up for it and got us to our destination at about 11 pm. It wasn’t until the next morning that she confessed that she was feeling very challenged!
Our room and our beds at the Hatchet Resort were perfect! I think I slept pretty well, and in the morning we ate at the restaurant there and I got a tall stack of huckleberry pancakes. They were so delicious! I have never had huckleberries before. Marcia says they grow wild and she picks them every summer.
The day was beautiful, and as we headed north we immediately could see the Grand Teton mountain range. What an imposing sight that was. We leisurely wound our way through the mountains and stopped frequently along the way to take pictures and enjoy the views. The pictures tell the story.
Wild Bison
Beautiful Elk
Grand Tetons
Yellowstone Lake
Wilderness beauty
Lewis Falls
Another view of the lake and mountains
Upper falls – Grand Canyon of Yellowstone
Lower falls – Grand Canyon of Yellowstone
Grand Canyon of Yellowstone
Snow – upper elevation
Glacier Lilies
Volkswagon van camper
This is how to travel!
Mammoth Hot springs
Amazing natural sculpting
Mammoth hot springs
Mammoth hot springs terraces
Sunset Pintler Mountains through bug flecked windshield
We got back to Marcia’s as the sun was setting. It was a wonderful two days.

Still facing fear

I am reblogging my first post. I “met” another blogger who had just started Morning pages, so went back to read this. Indeed there is something magical about writing 3 pages longhand about whatever is in your head first thing in the morning. So much has opened up for me in this last year, and there is so much opening up ahead.

Facing Fear (written and posted June 20, 2014)

I chose “embracing uncertainty” as the name of my blog because this has been my life, although until recently, I couldn’t see that. I always liked the illusion of being in control, of making things happen.

Learning the seven spiritual laws has really changed the way I look at life. Detachment simply means not being attached to a particular outcome, or point of view. I get up in the morning and have no idea what the day will bring. I meet someone or have a conversation, and let life flow, as opposed to imposing my views or desires on others, or even GOD.

For three months, since I started meditating regularly, I have asked myself the soul question: Who am I? The idea is to just ask,  then meditate, with no expectations of anything. This is really an effort for me , as I like immediate answers. I recently opened a book, The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, subtitled A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity. The author suggests writing morning pages, three longhand pages of whatever comes to mind. The hope is that whatever is blocked will be released. So I have been doing this for a couple of weeks, and it has basically become a journaling. Yesterday I came across an author who mentors and got  her 21 spoonfed writing tips for finding your writing voice. The first tip is to “spend some time writing about what makes you who you are, what moments in your life have shaped you.” Wow. Same as the soul question.

So I sat to write. And admitted on paper that I resist this exploration. And started writing, not expecting much. But as I wrote, I was able to see that I am a passionate, loving woman, and I give myself wholly to those I choose to love. As I continued to explore events and people who have shaped me and my life, I had what to me was an amazing aha revelation – the facing of fear has shaped me in a major way. And this:

Facing fear is like walking blindfolded through a wall of flame, not knowing how badly I might be burned, or if I will survive the heat, and if I do survive, not knowing what I will find on the other side or if I will be able to handle it.

Accepting the inevitability of change doesn’t mean giving up what I want. I just recognize that I control my choices, but have no idea what the consequences will be. Watching life unfold becomes wonderful instead of fearful.

Sunday stream of consciousness writing

foggy morningI opened the windows last night because the air inside felt stagnant. After all the rain we’ve had, it warmed enough to be comfortable. This morning there is fog, and some kind of floating plant matter in the lake. I can hear the birds, but don’t see them. Feeling the cool air, wrapped in my fuzzy blanket – it’s almost like having a patio! The air inside is fresh again.

I had joined a group on meetup and was going to go running with them this morning. If I hadn’t changed my mind last night, I’d be there right now. But I had the realization that those days are over. I don’t want to injure my body again. I pushed it to its limits and last year it protested with a back injury, and with  gentle yoga and moderate walking I am finally pain free. Why would I put myself in the position of reinjuring myself, my body seemed to ask me? So here I sit, my body softer, but happier, enjoying the morning. I’ll do my yoga in a bit.

I was determined to finish  A Woman’s Book of Life, and I did, last night. This book is amazing, as it traces a woman’s life from birth to death. I needed to read it at this time in my life.  As a result of this read, I am more okay with my life as it has been, and more accepting of my own aging. At 58, I am considered “elderly” by the younger generation, and I am going to embrace the uncertainty of what that might mean.  I am studying new things, learning to trust my intuition in new ways, and, on the physical plane, trying to let my crazy graying hair be what it is, which in a way is more challenging than anything else!

I listened to the first part of the first lecture of my new class with New World Ayurveda. The main thing I learned is that ayurveda is consciousness based healing. This is so exciting to me. As I’ve mentioned, I am a nurse working in a hospital and it is a revolving door for so many with chronic illness. Traditional western medicine only looks at the body, then divides the body into parts. Thus we have all the specialty areas, and doctors focusing down to just one organ, and prescribing a pill which will only manage symptoms. I am excited to be learning to look at the person as more than just a body.

Last night, we watched The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. The first one, not the current one in theaters. Excellent, fun, movie! I wonder if part 2 is as good.

Today, I will spend some time with my sweetheart, Robert. It’s a beautiful day, so perhaps we’ll go to the park and sit in the sun. I want to paint a bit, read, and see how life unfolds.