Plans, time, and intentions

wp-1454259597628.jpegI have been writing in my Penzu journal quite a bit, and have let the blogging go. The last couple of evenings I wrote longhand, reflecting on my day and planning for the next. Usually the planning is way too much. I have so much I want to do. Blogging is one of those things, so here I am!

I am often struck by profound thoughts and I think, wow, I could write about that! Then something else demands my attention and that thought drifts away. So I decided, this beautiful Sunday morning, to sit here and write about whatever comes to mind.

January has flown. After all the traveling and days off in December, I put my nose back to the grindstone and haven’t taken any time off from my “day job”. I have had plenty of opportunities to show compassion, to listen, and at times even to empathize with the people at the hospital who are in crisis. I am grateful for those opportunities.

I made a decision to deepen my Ayurvedic studies by joining the live online class instead of the independent study. I love the topic and the coursework, and had come to a point where it was time to participate in the first Clinical Intensive. I realized that I felt too scattered, and fitting it in around my work schedule, social activities, and visiting with my granddaughter wasn’t the best plan for me. So I talked with my teacher/mentor, and am now dedicated to the weekly class, and will be traveling to Portland, Maine the first week in April. I am very excited!

Another thing that has affected me, this past week, is that my father is in the hospital. He is almost 88, and his health has been failing, so this isn’t surprising. He’s in the hospital I work at, so the blessing is that I got to go see him. I haven’t seen him in over a year, due to the deep rift that his wife of five years has caused, keeping my siblings and I from being involved in his life. I wrote a long letter to him last year, and if you want to know the details it is published in two parts, here and here.

My next to youngest child turned 22 a couple of days ago. He lives in Massachussetts, is happy in his life with his partner and his cats, living out in the country. My hope as a parent is that all my children find love and happiness, as well as independence. Better that than wealth with loneliness and sorrow.

I like to think that I have some control over my perception of time, like not getting in a hurry and that sort of thing. But when I look back at my life, and raising my children, all grown now, much of it is like a vapor. Thinking about three years ago, just finally having freed myself from a very difficult marriage, and all that has happened since then, I am amazed. Looking back 20 years, to the birth of my youngest child and what has happened in her relatively short life – it is hard to believe.

Speaking of amazing — I’m going to be a grandmother, again! My second oldest son and his wife announced this month that they are going to be parents – of TWINS! Talk about uncertainty there! Embrace the unexpected, right? They will be wonderful parents.

Do you set intentions? I do all the time!

Lake morningToday, I have the intentions of finishing and publishing this post, walking outside in the sunshine, cooking a nutritious lunch, putting paint on a canvas, and spending the evening with some friends celebrating a birthday.

This week, I intend to show compassion to everyone I meet,  do some yoga at least 3 times, take a couple of long walks, study and practice ayurveda, spend time with people I love either on the phone or in person, and eat fresh nutritious food. I intend to write and paint, too!

What are your intentions? What are you grateful for?

And the journey continues

Here it is, January again, with resolutions and intentions abounding. I am not different from others in that I like to use the new year as a time for new beginnings. I also like to look back at the past year, and it is always with some amazement.

I have traveled more this year than I think I ever have, and in doing so discovered how big and how small the world is. Big in that there are so many beautiful places to see and small in that it is so easy to hop on an airplane and go hundreds of miles in just a few hours. That is amazing to me.  I went to Iowa, Montana, Wyoming, New York, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine, Nova Scotia, and North Carolina!cows by pond

I made a few short weekend excursions, finishing up 2015 and beginning 2016 in a one room cottage near New Ulm, Texas. I had purposed after attending a New Year’s Eve party last year that this year would be out in the country, stargazing. The cloud cover unfortunately prevented that, but it was still lovely. The cottage was warm and cozy, the houses and people were few and far between, the sky was big, the walks were long. The house next to the cottage had a great porch we were invited to sit on, and I enjoyed my coffee there both mornings, looking over a pond and communing with the neighboring cows. It was all very head clearing.

The other big thing for 2015 was my decision to study Ayurveda, and I have completed two of the three terms in the course of study through New World Ayurveda. I love the subject material and already have been able to apply what I’ve learned to my own life as well as sharing some of my new knowledge with a few others who have shown interest. My hope is to be able to establish a practice and be able to truly help others find health and well being for a better quality of life.

On New Year’s Eve, we made a big deal of leaving behind old outdated ways of thinking that no longer serve us well. The biggest thing for me, and surprisingly hardest, was to leave behind, for good, “I can’t”! I do alot of stuff, but I was constantly second guessing myself, doubting my abilities, telling myself I’m too old, etc. No more! I can, and I will.

For 2016,  my main intention is to have more compassion, wherever I go, and with whomever I meet.

Looking forward, I see another beautiful blank slate, with shadows just beginning to take shape on the canvas. I anticipate continuing my studies, with two trips to new places for hands on intensives. I look beyond completion of this course to possibly deepening and continuing in the fall.  I had thought a year ago that I would stop my day job in June, but now I see myself continuing on for another couple of years at least.

I look forward to more reconnecting with my grown kids, more time with my growing granddaughter, more music, more long walks, more yoga, more coffee, more good books, more love, more compassion.

What I am looking for is not out there, it is in me. –Helen Keller

 

Pen, paper, and the human mind vs computers

Have you ever felt completely helpless to do anything because of a computer program?

I’m old enough to remember well the days when everything was done with a combination of paper and ink and the human mind. Back then people had to count out change, the register didn’t tell you what you owed. You had to actually do simple math, and count the coins into the customer’s hand, then the bills. Anybody remember that, and wish these kids would realize that if they put the coins in your hand first, they wouldn’t roll off the top of the bills?

I digress. Today I met a computer program that automatically adds late charges if your rent doesn’t get paid on time. I am a fiend for paying everything on time, or early. I pay my rent online and for some reason this month it didn’t go through. Maybe I didn’t push that last button, or maybe there was a glitch, but it didn’t take, and I got a call from a young woman in the apartment office. I was very chagrined and paid immediately. The girl who called me said there were late charges that would be added. Are you kidding? I got on my high horse immediately. Reminded her that  I had lived here a year and a half and have never been late, and they needed to be removed. It’s a computer thing, she said. I asked to speak to the manager.

I told her what happened, and she was very nice, but said there was nothing she could do about it. The computer just adds the charges. I suggested that wasn’t good publicity, and she said it was like that everywhere. Apologetically repeated that she couldn’t do anything about it. I don’t believe that there’s no way to remove the charges, and am not through with this battle. But I’m going back to the old way, handing them a check and getting a receipt.

People aren’t individuals anymore. We are numbers, or cases. And computers magnify this. In the old days, it was much easier to right the wrongs of unfair late charges, because it was a matter of pen and paper and human wisdom and compassion.