Wrapping up 2020 and anticipating something better in 2021

Another December. Another birthday for me – I’m turning 64 on Dec 19. Another Christmas. Another New Year.

What a roller coaster ride it has been! A year ago I was still getting used to living apart from my husband, anticipating a lot of travel in 2020. Now, after a pandemic year, a year that was nothing like anyone could anticipate, he is coming home.

As difficult as the living apart was, I am grateful. Having never in my entire life lived alone, I learned a whole lot about myself, and that I like my space way more than I knew. For instance, except for a short space between divorces, I never had a room of my own. Of course there were moments of loneliness, made greater due to not being able to just go out and sit in a restaurant or take in a movie, or walk around a shopping mall or be in a crowd of people.

My memories take me back to the 20 years I lived in a 1200 square foot house. It was large when my first husband and I moved in in 1977, but quite cozy by the time our 7th child was born in 1996. However, I’ve learned, in living alone in a townhouse of about the same size, that I prefer cozy. I’ve discarded the idea of living in an RV, but definitely plan to move to a smaller place.

I wrote in my last blog post about an opportunity that came my way to do some travel work, and I have taken the steps needed. I gave my notice last month, and my last day at my current job is January 8. I will be starting a 13 week contract sometime around Feb 1, no idea where yet, and am so excited! I’m thinking about mountains and lakes! or maybe a beach.

And my dear husband is leaving his job the same week, coming home, and will go where I go, at least for a little while. His primary goal is to improve his health — he has multiple sclerosis and working odd and long hours has been really bad for him. I am so happy to be able to share this new adventure with my best friend. (And I look forward to the treat of his fabulous cooking!)

Bring it, 2021! I have no doubt that we will see a turning point, the beginning of the end to this pandemic, in the spring. I follow a couple of astrologers and do believe that somehow the energies of the planets affect what is going on in the world. The covid vaccine will be distributed, and the world will slowly awaken as if from a restless slumber, into a new, brighter world.

  • I am also publishing this as my last blog entry on another experimental blog I will be shutting down – My Brain on Paper.

Make the decision

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back…Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!” – attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Once the commitment is made, calmness and clarity arrive. Up until that point, your mind may be full of what if’s, I can’t, this is too much, is this the wrong choice?  Then, in a moment, you take the step, you say you will, you pay your money. There’s a flurry of activity, excitement, a bit of fear…but you’re in! You’re really going to do this thing! It could be going to college, or starting a new job, or buying airline or cruise tickets, or moving across the country or across the world.

In my case, the decision was to sign up with New World Ayurveda, with the goal of becoming an Ayurvedic Practitioner. I investigated, meditated, questioned, prayed. It seemed good, and a path that fit with my passion. I wrestled in my head and heart and decided to go for it. It wasn’t that it was right or wrong, it just fit. And once I decided, I felt peace. I’ve paid my money, have access online, am waiting for some books. I can start setting goals and studying today! I’m calm and excited at the same time. I’ve started looking at the material and could easily get overwhelmed, but I refuse to go there. I’m on a path, I have purpose, and all I have to do is keep walking. The uncertainty will always be there.

embrace uncertainty