Tag: freedom

Embrace the moment!

Sara Moser2 Comments

I’ve had several memorable moments already this morning.

Waking up in the dark, the dream memory fading, savoring the nearness of my lover.

Drinking  a chocolate strawberry spinach smoothie with fresh grated nutmeg sprinkled on top.

Driving to the park while it was still dark, sparse traffic on this Saturday morning.

Walking alone on the path, runners passing me up, and timing it perfectly to catch the sunrise.

perfect sunrise

I came home and decided to take a cup of coffee down to the bench by the lake. It was still early enough not to be too hot, not 80 degrees yet. The water was quiet and calm, few birds, no people.  I watched the fish jumping, my mind wandering all over the place, and I found myself pondering something someone said at work yesterday:

“It’s Friday! One more day closer to retirement!”

It’s just a saying, and I laughed with everyone else. But really, that’s not how I want to face my life, or my days.

“This day is dragging, I can’t wait for it to be over.”  

“I can’t wait for Christmas, or my birthday, or… retirement.”

But stop, look at the moment. Maybe I’m a glass all the way full person, and I might drive other people crazy with my perpetual optimism, but why not? If you go through life waiting for something that you think will be better, you miss out on a lot of great moments.

I haven’t always thought like this. I went to a silent meditation retreat last year, and had no timepiece, no way to keep up with time. Our days were guided by gongs. I knew the schedule, knew that the gong would go off in 2 hours, but without a watch, all alone in my room, it seemed like time stood still. I purposed then to never say that the day was dragging or I wished it would be over.

I do catch myself watching the time while I’m at work,  and when I leave the building, I always feel very happy to go. But when I catch myself, I try to stop and look at the moment and embrace it. Maybe its a lull in activity. I can meditate, or find a window to look out of, or help a coworker. Maybe my phone won’t stop ringing, so I can give each caller my full attention and be polite and kind.  Maybe someone is facing hard decisions about a loved one’s medical condition and care and I can give them my full attention, guidance, and even a hug.

There are hard moments too. I have experienced personal pain, loss through death of loved ones and loss through others’ choices. These are moments that are difficult to embrace. In these moments, sometimes all we can do is accept compassion from others and know that the storm will pass and the sun will come out leaving our hearts forever changed.

Right now I confess I am counting down the days until we leave on our long awaited three week vacation, a road trip through parts of New England up to Maine and Nova Scotia. I am very excited. I have wanted this for a long time. I am marking the days on the calendar! But at the same time, I purpose to savor the moments between now and then.  There are books to read, paint to play with, sunsets to savor, walks to take, work to do, a trip to pack for, and most of all, people to love.

What moments can you appreciate today?

 

I don’t want to quit my job

Sara Moser5 Comments

A few months ago, I was thinking about how to leave my job, and developed a timeline to make it happen. Part of it may have been that my two closest coworkers left, then my boss, who is amazing. The rest of it has to to do with generally not buying into traditional western medicine and the revolving door that the hospital I work in has. I was searching, questioning, setting intentions, and back in March made a decision to do something different, and found my passion.

I have finished the first term of study with New World Ayurveda, including the Nutrition Intensive. I have learned so much, and have made gradual changes in what and how I eat, and have weaned myself off the bioidentical hormones I’ve been taking for 7 years. I feel fantastic. I have energy, clarity of mind, purpose, and joy. I am more productive at work than I’ve ever been, and am developing new relationships with new and old coworkers.

Stress is there, of course, but somehow it is easier to deal with. I’m sure there are quite a few factors involved, but I would say the main one is my regular meditation practice. It’s been a year and a half, and even I notice that I am less reactive, calmer, more peaceful, more in the moment. I’d like to incorporate more yoga into my life, and for now, most mornings, I follow this zen yoga video, and it just seems to energize me and get me ready for the day.

I worked hard this week, and felt good after every day. That’s different. It wasn’t like that a few months ago, or a year ago. The job hasn’t changed. I have. As I walked out to my car yesterday, which was Friday, I realized that I wasn’t all about quitting the job anymore. I have purpose there. I have opportunities to share love with hurting people, and be a source of encouragement and help.

I still have goals, and time lines, and dreams and desires. But I am happiest when I stay in the present moment with the people that are in front of me. Perhaps next summer when I finish my course of study, great changes will occur, or it may be that I keep on where I am now. Between then and now, I am sure that I will find guidance as I set one foot in front of another.

 

Morning Introspection

Sara Moser3 Comments

I went down to the lake this morning to drink my coffee. It is coffee, although I am gradually decreasing the coffee and increasing the Raja’s cup. Blended with butter, it is delicious.

The lake has a lot of vegetation floating on it. Robert thinks it is water hyacinth. Much haslake with water hyacinth gathered along the pier and boardwalk where I sat, contemplating and watching the birds. Lately, when I look out the window, I don’t see many birds. But sitting, they come. I don’t know the names of most of them.

There are gulls, of course, and an occasional egret. I think the large black bird is a grackle. There are smaller birds that flit quickly over the water, and seem to really like the water hyacinth islands. I wonder if there are insects there that are easy to catch. I saw a lone duck, flying low, quacking as he went. I wonder if he’s trying to catch up to his friends.

My favorite is the pelican, but there were none to be seen this morning.

My thoughts recently are wandering to the future. I want to stay in this present moment, mindfully, enjoying the beauty of the morning. Yet, I am in a spot where my life has had another turning point, and I have set a goal.

Next June, 2016, will see the culmination of some of these goals and the beginning of something else. It’s that something else that keeps causing me to wonder.

Sometime last summer or fall, it had become clear to me that it was time to think about my future. I don’t want to stay at my job forever, or even for a few more years. I want to travel, even live a gypy’s life, maybe.

Goal #1: save as much money as I can, for the time when I leave the job. Goal #2: work full time until June 2016. I will have been there for 6 years, and I will have had enough. I sometimes feel like I’ve had enough now, but practicality still reigns somewhat. I think there’s still purpose for me there. That month, I will be 59 1/2, the age of being able to withdraw some monies without penalty.

Those were my only real goals until I made the decision to enroll with New World Ayurveda. Not only is the course of study exactly what I am interested and the cost affordable, but the concluding week long intensive is in….. (drum roll, please)… June 2016!

A major shift has occurred since I began this study, a shift in my soul, a new sense of purpose. Robert, my partner, says it is visibly noticeable. I’ve had people ask me what  is happening, I have a more peaceful appearance. I can feel it inside.

I think it all started when I learned Primordial Sound Meditation and began the practice of twice daily meditation – March of last year. I don’t understand how it works, but it does.  I started stepping out of my comfort zone more and more, with painting, writing (this blog), decisions about ridding myself of toxic relationships, and other issues related to how I live day to day.

So, as I sat thinking on this, enjoying the beauty of the morning, I realized that the wondering about what would happen in June of 2016 was turning into worrying.  I was sitting in a place of beauty, so I closed my eyes, felt the air, took a few breaths, and decided that the best thing to do would be to write about it and let it go. I opened my eyes, drank in the beauty once more, and went inside to write.

Photography 101 – Bliss

Sara Moser2 Comments

I have 2 photos for this – the first is my youngest daughter at age 3 experiencing the ocean at Galveston beach. What childhood abandonment and pure bliss on her face! This is one of my all time favorites.

3 year old bliss
3 year old bliss

When we are older, bliss can be more difficult to capture. We have a multitude of important thoughts that can override happiness and bliss, so we have to be more mindful in seeking out these moments. One of my favorite activities is to sit on the boardwalk by the lake with a cup of coffee on a cool morning. Watching the sky and water, before the cares of the day creep upon me, is a simple joy.

middle-age bliss
middle-age bliss

Walk barefoot in the grass

Sara Moser3 Comments

Or walk shoeless on the beach. Connect with the earth.

Ok, I know it it the middle of winter. I realize that your environment is likely to be very cold, possibly snowy. I hope you’ll read on anyway! I live in southeast Texas, and a few days ago we had a wonderful warm day in the 70’s. I had been feeling emotional, cranky, and wanted to blame someone besides myself for my irritability.  In other words, I wanted to pick a fight with someone, and absolve myself of responsibility for my own emotions.

A few years ago when I felt this way, which was quite often, I would become reactive to other people, including, to my sorrow, my children. I was in a difficult marriage with a difficult person, but I made it worse by being extremely reactive. Now I share life with a peaceful person, my children are all grown and gone, and I knew that I needed to keep looking inside myself for a loving response (to my own emotions.)

I left work at 4:oo and drank in the warm sunshine as I walked to my car. I called Robert and said, “Let’s have a picnic in the park!” I wanted to feel the grass on my feet, gaze at the sky, and let go of the insanity in my head, which comes periodically in spite of  everything. By the time I got home, he had packed some food, and we grabbed a blanket and drove the half mile down the street to the park.

feet in cloverWe had about 30 minutes before the sun went down and it started to get cold. I took off my shoes and buried my feet in the clover. I walked a bit, did a few yoga stretches, then lay on my back and absorbed the cloudless blue sky above the tall palms.  I felt the tension and static leaving me, peace returning to my inner being. We lay there until the sun was almost gone and it was too cold to stay, food and drink forgotten. I took this sunset picture that evening. Apparently this was all very needful and beneficial for Robert, too. We were both getting ungrounded from the busyness of daily life, needing to take time to stop and be in nature.

This experience is what I call grounding. It has something to do with connecting with the earth, and getting recharged.  It’s like we have all these ions that get  out of whack , fuzzy, and if we can connect with the earth it puts everything back in alignment. That’s what it felt like to be outside, touching the earth and embracing the sky and the sun. ( No this isn’t scientific, it is my personal experience and opinion.)

I’m very grateful that I can walk outside barefoot occasionally even during the winter months.  I live on the third floor and work on the fourth floor, and so have become more purposeful in literally connecting with the ground when I start feeling like a porcupine, and meditating on its own doesn’t completely bring me back to center. I love being outside, watching birds and nature, sunrises and sunsets, so I probably need to stay in the south.

What do you do to ground yourself, especially during the winter?