Uncertainty, again.

Things are changing in my workplace.

The boss who has only been there 7 months is leaving. Some of my co-workers are looking to me for leadership, but this is not my path, I don’t want it. I want to stay settled in my little space until I decide it is time for change.

But that’s not the way it works.

In addition to that, my little office space, where I’ve been settled for a good four of the six years I’ve been employed at this hospital, is being commandeered by someone else. I was told that I would have to move to a non-private space on the first floor, but still be the case manager for the fourth floor. I said no, no way, no how.

This is not only impractical and not the only solution, but it shows blatant disrespect for all the case managers in my hospital. My first thought when I was informed of this potential move was “they have no idea what I do!” It is simply not acceptable to me, or to anyone in my department.  We feel like this is an affront to Case Management in general.

So I got really angry, in a way that I haven’t in a long time. Since I started meditating regularly about two years ago, I generally don’t get upset about much. I want to approach all situations and all people with a heart of love. But this hit a nerve. Fortunately, I was able to process through that first day, think about what was important to me, and go back to work the next day.

Because I thought about just quitting. Or at least resigning. Maybe this is a push from the universe. Sometimes I’m too tenacious, hold on to things for too long. I’ve done it in jobs before, and in marriage.  And I’d had a plan, last year, to make a change in June of 2016 – I am finishing my Ayurvedic Practioner Studies, and could live on savings for at least a couple of months.

But then I changed my mind, decided to try to hold on another year until my youngest graduates from college, pad my wallet a little more, build a practice while still being employed.  So then this happens. It really gave me pause.

So we shall see. This could be that final straw. Another solution that I proposed has been accepted, I’m told. However, it involves putting a door up where there is none, and I might be asked to vacate my space before they do that. Again, I will say no. I will move when and if I have an acceptable space. And if that’s not ok with the powers that be, I will move out of the building and on to what is next for me.

I’m actually getting a little excited about that prospect.

The next few weeks are going to be interesting.