Tag: happiness

Sunday stream of consciousness writing

Sara Moser5 Comments

foggy morningI opened the windows last night because the air inside felt stagnant. After all the rain we’ve had, it warmed enough to be comfortable. This morning there is fog, and some kind of floating plant matter in the lake. I can hear the birds, but don’t see them. Feeling the cool air, wrapped in my fuzzy blanket – it’s almost like having a patio! The air inside is fresh again.

I had joined a group on meetup and was going to go running with them this morning. If I hadn’t changed my mind last night, I’d be there right now. But I had the realization that those days are over. I don’t want to injure my body again. I pushed it to its limits and last year it protested with a back injury, and with  gentle yoga and moderate walking I am finally pain free. Why would I put myself in the position of reinjuring myself, my body seemed to ask me? So here I sit, my body softer, but happier, enjoying the morning. I’ll do my yoga in a bit.

I was determined to finish  A Woman’s Book of Life, and I did, last night. This book is amazing, as it traces a woman’s life from birth to death. I needed to read it at this time in my life.  As a result of this read, I am more okay with my life as it has been, and more accepting of my own aging. At 58, I am considered “elderly” by the younger generation, and I am going to embrace the uncertainty of what that might mean.  I am studying new things, learning to trust my intuition in new ways, and, on the physical plane, trying to let my crazy graying hair be what it is, which in a way is more challenging than anything else!

I listened to the first part of the first lecture of my new class with New World Ayurveda. The main thing I learned is that ayurveda is consciousness based healing. This is so exciting to me. As I’ve mentioned, I am a nurse working in a hospital and it is a revolving door for so many with chronic illness. Traditional western medicine only looks at the body, then divides the body into parts. Thus we have all the specialty areas, and doctors focusing down to just one organ, and prescribing a pill which will only manage symptoms. I am excited to be learning to look at the person as more than just a body.

Last night, we watched The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. The first one, not the current one in theaters. Excellent, fun, movie! I wonder if part 2 is as good.

Today, I will spend some time with my sweetheart, Robert. It’s a beautiful day, so perhaps we’ll go to the park and sit in the sun. I want to paint a bit, read, and see how life unfolds.

 

Photography 101 – Bliss

Sara Moser2 Comments

I have 2 photos for this – the first is my youngest daughter at age 3 experiencing the ocean at Galveston beach. What childhood abandonment and pure bliss on her face! This is one of my all time favorites.

3 year old bliss
3 year old bliss

When we are older, bliss can be more difficult to capture. We have a multitude of important thoughts that can override happiness and bliss, so we have to be more mindful in seeking out these moments. One of my favorite activities is to sit on the boardwalk by the lake with a cup of coffee on a cool morning. Watching the sky and water, before the cares of the day creep upon me, is a simple joy.

middle-age bliss
middle-age bliss

Sitting with myself (3 ways meditation impacts my life)

Sara Moser4 Comments

In my last post I mentioned that I meditate on a regular basis.

A fellow blogger asked me what impact this has on my daily life. This is a question many people have, I think. Meditation has become mainstream. “Everyone’s doing it.” But what is IT, exactly? And how, aside from all the scientific evidence that it is good for me, does it make my day to day life better?

Meditation is often used as a synonym for  contemplation, musing, consideration, reflection, deliberation, rumination, reverie, concentration, but this isn’t true meditation. A definition I like is “a state of thoughtless awareness. The mind becomes calm and silent, yet remains alert. Eventually, one gains higher levels of awareness.” Key word here is eventually.

Why did I want to learn to meditate? I used to have anxiety every day, and it manifested itself in that I was very controlling. I had become very aware of this, and my motivation for wanting to learn to meditate was that I wanted to know how to calm my mind. All the years I was a churchgoer praying and reading my Bible diligently had not brought the peace I so desperately sought.

And now?

1. I am calmer, over all. The anxieties and irritations that used to upset my days are now just a little blip in it, gone quickly when they start to rise up. I do still have “hormonal” moments. I get upset about stuff.  People annoy me at times. I get emotional and cry. But when I cry, the tears are cleansing rather than draining. And after almost a year, I am beginning to notice a difference in myself, a difference that others have commented on for months.

2. When upsetting events occur, as they will, I am more able to bring myself back to my center, to the present moment, to my breath, or whatever I need to do to look at what is really happening, what is really important.

3. The biggest change I have noticed in myself is that I have become much less judgmental.

wpid-20150204_185943.jpgI am less judgmental of myself as well as of others. In meditation, it is important to learn not to judge the experience. If I am judging, then what is the point, really? There is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” meditation experience. It is what it is.  Sometimes I have loads of thoughts, spinning around and around. Pema Chodron says in her book of daily readings, Comfortable with Uncertainty (p17), that “our practice is to watch our thoughts arise, label them thinking, and return to the breath…Each situation, eath thought, each word, each feeling, is just a passing memory.” In other words, we will have thoughts during meditation, and it’s ok.

As a result, I have taken this practice to the ordinary situations of life. Instead of looking down on others because their choices and behaviors don’t match my particular standards, I remember that everyone is doing the best they can at the level of awareness that they have at the moment, including me.

If you are a meditator, how has it helped you? What do you see as the greatest benefit to your life?  Here is a great infographic on the benefits of meditation. I encourage you to explore this, and begin taking a few minutes every day to just sit with yourself.

Namaste. The divine light in me bows to the divine light in you. Have a beautiful day.

cropped-cropped-image.jpg

Looking back at 2014

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fireworks

A year ago, 2014 was a blank canvas. Now, as I look back on it, the days, weeks, and months are painted in colorful designs, with some fireworks and a few black marks.

My granddaughter was born one year ago today, and her presence changed the course of my year. I wanted her to know me, so I’ve visited at least weekly, glad that she is only 40 minutes away. She has gone from that small, helpless babe in arms to an intensely curious, beautiful person who can run, not just walk, and who definitely knows her “Sassy”. (That’s me) Her mother doesn’t want pictures of her on the internet, or I’d post one.

Here are some highlights from the year, besides the sweet baby:

I had incapacitating back pain in January, missed work, went to chiropractors, had to become less active. I had thought I would get back into running, but there is still residual pain, so I have become much more sedentary.

In March and again in April I went to the Chopra Center near San Diego and in addition to learning something about Ayurveda and levels of consciousness, took up meditation on a twice daily basis. I didn’t really know what I was doing, sometimes still don’t, but I know that the continued practice is life-changing, in ways I can’t really explain. I am generally calmer, less reactive, and more in tune with my own rhythms. I highly recommend it. I wrote about it here.

In June I started this blog simply because in that moment I had something to say and thought it could be meaningful to someone else.  I wrote facing fear because those thoughts were burning in me and I wanted to get it out and own it. After I wrote it, I thought oh God, what have I done, now I have to keep writing! And have found the blogging world to be delightful and fascinating.

In July my youngest daughter moved out, and in August my second oldest son got married. My entire family was reunited for the wedding. I learned that letting go goes on and on and on, because children grow up to be adults with ideas of their own. It is the hardest thing, yet as I let them go, I also become free. I wrote about my empty nest.

The last day of August my sweetheart and I moved in together. We met in August of 2013, and it hadn’t taken too long before we were spending as much time together as we could. It didn’t make sense to keep living 30 miles apart. Having been married twice, living together without asking for the government’s approval just makes more sense for me, at my age. At least for now.

The rest of the year was pretty uneventful until this month. My family is pretty scattered and we don’t make a big deal of Christmas, so Robert and I decided to take a cruise, a first for both of us. The jury is still out on this experience. It was fun, but also exhausting. I think I prefer going to a destination and staying there for a while. Glad we went, though, and glad to be home.

Sara on cruise

Thanksmas

Sara Moser2 Comments

For the last several years, the gathering with my  seven children during the holiday season has been between Thanksgiving and Christmas, due to the complications that come with adulthood, like work, and relationships. We’ve gotten away from gifts, for the most part, and simply enjoy the presence of family we once shared daily life with.

My five offspring still in Texas, along with a few significant others and one grandbaby, got together for what used to be “Mom’s Black Bean Enchilada Dinner.” That was always a favorite, and favored this time of year because turkey is plentiful at other tables.

This year my daughter, the one with the baby, took over the cooking duties and hosted the gathering. I live in a small apartment, and really didn’t want to do the work of cooking. And Hannah wanted to use organic, non GMO ingredients, as has been her philosophy for at least 2 years. She is a really good cook, and I was happy to turn it over to her and have it at her house.

Great. Date set well in advance, yes RSVP’s all around — a-and — the baby gets a bad cold, won’t sleep, mother exhausted — so I spent half a day at her house “helping”. It involved a lot of baby holding, which was nice, but before everything could be put together, mother and baby disappeared to nurse and sleep and I, along with Robert and another daughter, put the casseroles together and cleaned up. Way more work than I had counted on, and I went home and crashed.

But– yesterday, when we all got together, it was all worth it. The food was good, the company was great, and we all had a good day. Five siblings reuniting, reminiscing about their childhoods.  Hannah says she’s not doing it again, others suggested doing something completely different, or catering. I know a lot can happen in a year, and the most important thing is to keep getting together with family, whatever that looks like.

Here’s my Thanksmas tree.

Christmas tree 2014

I am thankful for my family. And actually, am thankful for the empty nest, because I don’t have the energy it takes to have a full one. I am thankful that my kids are all ok.

And life goes on.