Not my first rodeo! (or why getting married at 60 is better than at 20)

Well, obviously, I’m a lot smarter than I was 40 years ago. I’ve made a lot of choices, and in spite of some of them looking bad at the time, I have no regrets.

As I muse, on the eve of my marriage to the man who will be my third (and last?!) husband, I do ponder my life with some amazement!

I married my high school sweetheart at 19. What babies we were! I thought it was forever, certainly planned for it to be forever. We had a roller coaster ride, and along the way seven wonderful little lives were created and birthed into this world. Certainly can’t regret that!

Midlife came along, and until you are there, and then well beyond, you don’t understand what a midlife crisis is really all about. For me, I had the first realization that life was short and I didn’t want to keep living the life I was living. And the only way I knew to change it, because of the rather narrow vision I had at the time,  was to change husbands.

Now I know that I created my world, and I could have created change in a different and more healthy way. But that’s not what happened, and I got just what I thought I wanted. At 43 I divorced and quickly married again, tried to make it work for 12 years. I had wanted more pizzazz in my life, and I got it, but not in a healthy way. What got birthed through all that was an older and wiser woman! I learned to take responsibility for my choices and learned to make better ones! I don’t regret that!

And I was done with marriage! I was 56 years young, feeling strong, and made plans to have a whole lot of fun that I had missed out on in my pursuit of living the perfect marriage. I minimized and moved, and started living the exciting single life.

I joined meetup, because I only wanted to meet people, not date. Oh no, I was done with men! I went to parties, happy hours, restaurants, went to running groups, did all kinds of things I’d never done. I did get involved with someone, but it was always known that it was just for fun. I  went out with a few guys, but it was more out of curiosity then wanting a real relationship.  Then, only a year after I was divorced, I met Robert.

I’d gone to yet another meetup, at the wine bar down the street. He was there, along with a bunch of other people, and there was no love at first sight. Just another guy. But we met again, at another meetup a week later, and that is when something magical happened. I had this moment when we were sitting at the table talking, and the rest of the world just kind of faded away, like in a movie.

So, long story short, that was four years ago. A year ago Robert proposed to me right before my fabulous 60th birthday. (He threw me a great party, btw!)  I’ve had enough time and experience with him to know that he is the real deal, for me. I know what I want, and don’t want.

The biggest deal is that I am entirely safe to be who I am in this relationship. There’s no big drama, no narcissism. There is a constant love and acceptance, and an understanding that love isn’t always FELT. Rather, love, the marriage kind of love, is a knowing. Knowing that you feel good with this other who is a mirror of your true self. Knowing that life is great lived without a partner, but somehow, with this person, life is a whole lot better.

So, never say never. Be open, be careful, be ready to be surprised!

Am I saying “til death do us part” ? No, not this time. Said it twice before, broke that promise. I fully expect it to be til one of us leaves this body, but saying that just doesn’t seem to be necessary.

I am getting married tomorrow!

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No place like home

After taking two trips in a month, fantastic as they were, it is great to be home, be it ever so humble.

It took me about three days to recover from the 10 mile hike in the mountains of Montana after the late nights exploring Yellowstone! The air here on the Texas Gulf Coast is thick with humidity, it has rained torrentially followed by suffocating heat.  But here I have an incredible partner who I share daily love with. I have my writing corner, my books, my art supplies, my view. My little granddaughter isn’t too far away, and she loves her “sassy”!

My lake isn’t the clear blue of the lakes in Montana, but it is beautiful and it is home. home lake

We are expecting more rain today with the arrival of Tropical Storm Bill. I’m heading off to work this morning, and hoping I can get home! One of the biggest dangers around here when we have a lot of rain is flash floods. People get in big trouble when they attempt to drive through water and it is either deeper than they thought or rises quickly while they are in it. The storm is heading for a bit south of here so we will be on the wet side of it.

Another day, another adventure!

Photography 101 – Home

The assignment – home.  ” Home is elusive. When we think about this word, we might picture different physical locations. And while home is often found on a map, it can also be less tangible: a loved one, a state of mind.”

I live in an apartment building, and I love being here. Inside is warm and welcoming and I live with a beautiful person.My grownup children I get to see sunrises and sunsets over the lake out my bedroom window, and lots of birds and other bits of nature. But home is where my heart is – and each one of my children has a piece of it.  I took this picture of my grownup kids at Thanksgiving of 2011. They are rarely all together now, and I don’t see them much either. They are each strong, unique, independent, and that was my hope for them.