The weather turned warm, so we decided to go to one of our favorite places for Fish Taco Tuesday. It is a popular place, with outdoor seating, and when we got there, it was packed, and we had to wait. We were next in line, and I wanted a sunny table right by the water, and said so, to no one in particular. Next thing I know, a couple got up from the very table I coveted, and we were escorted to it.
Say what you want! You just might get it!
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back…Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!” – attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Once the commitment is made, calmness and clarity arrive. Up until that point, your mind may be full of what if’s, I can’t, this is too much, is this the wrong choice? Then, in a moment, you take the step, you say you will, you pay your money. There’s a flurry of activity, excitement, a bit of fear…but you’re in! You’re really going to do this thing! It could be going to college, or starting a new job, or buying airline or cruise tickets, or moving across the country or across the world.
In my case, the decision was to sign up with New World Ayurveda, with the goal of becoming an Ayurvedic Practitioner. I investigated, meditated, questioned, prayed. It seemed good, and a path that fit with my passion. I wrestled in my head and heart and decided to go for it. It wasn’t that it was right or wrong, it just fit. And once I decided, I felt peace. I’ve paid my money, have access online, am waiting for some books. I can start setting goals and studying today! I’m calm and excited at the same time. I’ve started looking at the material and could easily get overwhelmed, but I refuse to go there. I’m on a path, I have purpose, and all I have to do is keep walking. The uncertainty will always be there.
“Let the beauty you love be what you do.” -Rumi
For about three years I have been on a journey of the soul, seeking what is next for me, in how I live my life, and how I will spend the majority of my hours. For the last year, as part of my meditation practice, I have been asking myself three questions: Who am I? What do I really, really want? What is my dharma, my purpose?
I have made conscious life changes during this time, the only constant being that I go to my job consistently. And this has been, and is, a good thing. Besides being my bread and butter, I made some very good friends. I plan to continue going to this job for at least another year, in spite of major workplace changes, unless circumstances dictate otherwise.
I am very happy to announce that I have enrolled in a course of study to become an ayurvedic practioner. I have looked into life and health coaching programs, but nothing spoke to my soul until I came across this program. I believe in looking for signs, synchronicity, clues from the universe that some might call coincidence. I “met” Melissa, whose blog is Sattvic Life, after I posted about my experience with the Hot Belly Diet. She blogs about her journey learning ayurveda and her joy in life. She has been an inspiration to me.
My entire adult life I have embraced various schools of thought regarding what is healthy, from studying medical nutrition in nursing school to growing my own food and making everything from scratch, and quite a lot in between. I realized that my passion is in promoting wellness, and what I know already about ayurveda is that its focus is on balancing that which is out of balance – mind, body, and spirit, as opposed to western medicine’s focus of focusing on only the physical and providing a pill for every ailment without addressing the root cause.
My dream is that in pursuing this course of study I will learn more about how to promote good health, using what I already know as a Registered Nurse, and integrating the new knowledge I will acquire. I want to have the abilities and credentials to establish a business in which I can help those who seek perfect health.
So here I go, continuing the journey. I am quite excited!
As I near what is commonly known as “retirement age”, dreams, fantasies, and desires for the future invade my thoughts frequently.
I don’t really know what retirement would mean for me, as I don’t have near the amount of savings that I would have had had I lived a “sensible” life. I do know that I want to keep making a difference in the world, and promote health and happiness to individuals who seek it. For about the past year, and even before then, I have been setting intentions and seeking guidance for what to do next. I have come to believe in synchronicity, which is another word for what many call coincidences. I have investigated some wellness coach and life coach programs, but so far have been unwilling and afraid to commit my money and my time.
I am a Registered Nurse but only hold a two year degree, obtained immediately after high school in the late 70’s. I decided 3 years ago to pursue my Bachelor’s degree, as it is required in more and more settings. After 3 classes, and the realization that I would have to take Algebra, I said “no more”. I don’t love the profession enough to seek a higher degree at my age! If I’m going to study, I want to love it! I also disagree with our modern pill-pushing healthcare system, often sad about the chronically ill people who flow the hospital’s revolving doors. There is a better way, I know, as I have practiced my own form of natural medicine for myself and my children for the years I was raising them, and sickness was, and still is, a rarity.
“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” -Steve Jobs
The above quote landed in my inbox a couple of days ago, just as I also had begun to seriously consider a course of study to become an Ayurvedic practioner. I was fighting off all the negative thoughts that bombard me every time I consider making a major change or commitment. Is it fear of failure? Not being good enough, or smart enough, or _____enough? Yes! And what have I got to lose if I move forward and follow my dreams? Nothing! For this life is short, and purpose is to be found in the fulfillment of our heart’s desires.
Several people have affirmed to me in the past month that I am smart, powerful, intuitive, and can do anything I want to do. I have a multitude of choices, a variety of paths I can follow, and all I have to do is choose. There is no wrong choice, no bad path. I just need to take a step in a new direction, and keep walking, without knowing what the outcome will be.
In my last post I mentioned that I meditate on a regular basis.
A fellow blogger asked me what impact this has on my daily life. This is a question many people have, I think. Meditation has become mainstream. “Everyone’s doing it.” But what is IT, exactly? And how, aside from all the scientific evidence that it is good for me, does it make my day to day life better?
Meditation is often used as a synonym for contemplation, musing, consideration, reflection, deliberation, rumination, reverie, concentration, but this isn’t true meditation. A definition I like is “a state of thoughtless awareness. The mind becomes calm and silent, yet remains alert. Eventually, one gains higher levels of awareness.” Key word here is eventually.
Why did I want to learn to meditate? I used to have anxiety every day, and it manifested itself in that I was very controlling. I had become very aware of this, and my motivation for wanting to learn to meditate was that I wanted to know how to calm my mind. All the years I was a churchgoer praying and reading my Bible diligently had not brought the peace I so desperately sought.
And now?
1. I am calmer, over all. The anxieties and irritations that used to upset my days are now just a little blip in it, gone quickly when they start to rise up. I do still have “hormonal” moments. I get upset about stuff. People annoy me at times. I get emotional and cry. But when I cry, the tears are cleansing rather than draining. And after almost a year, I am beginning to notice a difference in myself, a difference that others have commented on for months.
2. When upsetting events occur, as they will, I am more able to bring myself back to my center, to the present moment, to my breath, or whatever I need to do to look at what is really happening, what is really important.
3. The biggest change I have noticed in myself is that I have become much less judgmental.
I am less judgmental of myself as well as of others. In meditation, it is important to learn not to judge the experience. If I am judging, then what is the point, really? There is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” meditation experience. It is what it is. Sometimes I have loads of thoughts, spinning around and around. Pema Chodron says in her book of daily readings, Comfortable with Uncertainty (p17), that “our practice is to watch our thoughts arise, label them thinking, and return to the breath…Each situation, eath thought, each word, each feeling, is just a passing memory.” In other words, we will have thoughts during meditation, and it’s ok.
As a result, I have taken this practice to the ordinary situations of life. Instead of looking down on others because their choices and behaviors don’t match my particular standards, I remember that everyone is doing the best they can at the level of awareness that they have at the moment, including me.
If you are a meditator, how has it helped you? What do you see as the greatest benefit to your life? Here is a great infographic on the benefits of meditation. I encourage you to explore this, and begin taking a few minutes every day to just sit with yourself.
Namaste. The divine light in me bows to the divine light in you. Have a beautiful day.
Embracing Uncertainty 
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