I asked a question and got an answer

I had a challenging week at work.

The job itself hasn’t changed. Management has changed and is magnifying and micromanaging. On Thursday I found myself being aggressive and impatient with people. This is not what I want to do. This is not my true nature.

When I first started this job five years ago, I felt like there was opportunity to help people. I used to go to work with a prayer – let me make a positive difference in someone’s life today. And I would, either a patient or a coworker. I haven’t been doing that lately.

Thursday evening I discussed my feelings with Robert, and he suggested that I ask a specific question directed toward God, the universe, my guides, the cosmic consciousness. And expect an answer.

It’s Sunday morning and as I was waking up, I realized I had gotten the answer. When I was meditating Friday night, very briefly I saw an actual hand, then felt the index finger apply pressure on my third eye. Then I saw gold, spreading out mandala style, and in the center, a lion.

The question(s):

Is my plan to stay at my job going to allow me to serve others as I blossom into this new place in my life? Does it really have a higher purpose? Can I have joy in that place? Is it possible to refocus on making a difference, a positive difference, and let the rest go?

I’d really like a quick answer. Like today, please. 

I wrote that Friday morning. And had that experience Friday night. I guess I needed it to sink in.

The third eye is about intuition. Sometimes I see color there, or an eye, or faces. This was much more tangible, with the finger and the gold and the lion. It’s like the finger was there to emphasize to me to take notice.  I did some research on the meaning of the lion and found this here:

In the realm of spirit animals, the lion wins the prize for most relentless fighter in the face of life challenges. The lion spirit animal represents courage and strength in overcoming difficulties. The lion symbolizes:

  • Strength, assertiveness, personal power
  • A common meaning for the lion spirit animal is predatory feelings, such as anger, aggression directed at someone else or towards you
  • Personal struggle to deal with these feelings
  • Lion spirit animals warn about a threatening situation or event in your life

Gold is the color of wealth and endurance. It is the color of the sun and the lion, representing confidence and courage. Gold also pertains to divine protection and enlightenment, and spiritual power in all aspects operating for the greater good.

What I am taking from this is that I have personal power. I am strong, and I can deal with the stress of work without being unduly stressed.  With this increased awareness, I don’t have to let anyone else’s “ickiness” get on me, especially the boss’s! And I can make a positive difference in someone’s life every day, no matter where I am.

The answer is YES, to all four questions. Yes I can!

 

 

Sunday stream of consciousness writing

foggy morningI opened the windows last night because the air inside felt stagnant. After all the rain we’ve had, it warmed enough to be comfortable. This morning there is fog, and some kind of floating plant matter in the lake. I can hear the birds, but don’t see them. Feeling the cool air, wrapped in my fuzzy blanket – it’s almost like having a patio! The air inside is fresh again.

I had joined a group on meetup and was going to go running with them this morning. If I hadn’t changed my mind last night, I’d be there right now. But I had the realization that those days are over. I don’t want to injure my body again. I pushed it to its limits and last year it protested with a back injury, and with  gentle yoga and moderate walking I am finally pain free. Why would I put myself in the position of reinjuring myself, my body seemed to ask me? So here I sit, my body softer, but happier, enjoying the morning. I’ll do my yoga in a bit.

I was determined to finish  A Woman’s Book of Life, and I did, last night. This book is amazing, as it traces a woman’s life from birth to death. I needed to read it at this time in my life.  As a result of this read, I am more okay with my life as it has been, and more accepting of my own aging. At 58, I am considered “elderly” by the younger generation, and I am going to embrace the uncertainty of what that might mean.  I am studying new things, learning to trust my intuition in new ways, and, on the physical plane, trying to let my crazy graying hair be what it is, which in a way is more challenging than anything else!

I listened to the first part of the first lecture of my new class with New World Ayurveda. The main thing I learned is that ayurveda is consciousness based healing. This is so exciting to me. As I’ve mentioned, I am a nurse working in a hospital and it is a revolving door for so many with chronic illness. Traditional western medicine only looks at the body, then divides the body into parts. Thus we have all the specialty areas, and doctors focusing down to just one organ, and prescribing a pill which will only manage symptoms. I am excited to be learning to look at the person as more than just a body.

Last night, we watched The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. The first one, not the current one in theaters. Excellent, fun, movie! I wonder if part 2 is as good.

Today, I will spend some time with my sweetheart, Robert. It’s a beautiful day, so perhaps we’ll go to the park and sit in the sun. I want to paint a bit, read, and see how life unfolds.