Tag: meditation

Looking back at 2014

Sara MoserLeave a comment


fireworks

A year ago, 2014 was a blank canvas. Now, as I look back on it, the days, weeks, and months are painted in colorful designs, with some fireworks and a few black marks.

My granddaughter was born one year ago today, and her presence changed the course of my year. I wanted her to know me, so I’ve visited at least weekly, glad that she is only 40 minutes away. She has gone from that small, helpless babe in arms to an intensely curious, beautiful person who can run, not just walk, and who definitely knows her “Sassy”. (That’s me) Her mother doesn’t want pictures of her on the internet, or I’d post one.

Here are some highlights from the year, besides the sweet baby:

I had incapacitating back pain in January, missed work, went to chiropractors, had to become less active. I had thought I would get back into running, but there is still residual pain, so I have become much more sedentary.

In March and again in April I went to the Chopra Center near San Diego and in addition to learning something about Ayurveda and levels of consciousness, took up meditation on a twice daily basis. I didn’t really know what I was doing, sometimes still don’t, but I know that the continued practice is life-changing, in ways I can’t really explain. I am generally calmer, less reactive, and more in tune with my own rhythms. I highly recommend it. I wrote about it here.

In June I started this blog simply because in that moment I had something to say and thought it could be meaningful to someone else.  I wrote facing fear because those thoughts were burning in me and I wanted to get it out and own it. After I wrote it, I thought oh God, what have I done, now I have to keep writing! And have found the blogging world to be delightful and fascinating.

In July my youngest daughter moved out, and in August my second oldest son got married. My entire family was reunited for the wedding. I learned that letting go goes on and on and on, because children grow up to be adults with ideas of their own. It is the hardest thing, yet as I let them go, I also become free. I wrote about my empty nest.

The last day of August my sweetheart and I moved in together. We met in August of 2013, and it hadn’t taken too long before we were spending as much time together as we could. It didn’t make sense to keep living 30 miles apart. Having been married twice, living together without asking for the government’s approval just makes more sense for me, at my age. At least for now.

The rest of the year was pretty uneventful until this month. My family is pretty scattered and we don’t make a big deal of Christmas, so Robert and I decided to take a cruise, a first for both of us. The jury is still out on this experience. It was fun, but also exhausting. I think I prefer going to a destination and staying there for a while. Glad we went, though, and glad to be home.

Sara on cruise

What do I have?

Sara Moser3 Comments

The last two years have brought many changes in my life. I got out of an unhealthy relationship,  moved, my two youngest offspring left home, and  I am now sharing daily life with the man of my dreams.  The only thing that didn’t really change during this time has been my job. I have been at it for nearly 5 years, and have been very thankful for the security and regularity it has provided during all these transitions.

I set some intentions relative to how and where I would live, and they have manifested in amazing ways. Yet I find myself continuing to ask myself “What do I really want?” This morning as I found myself pondering, I decided to focus instead on what I already have.

Peace.    I have been on a search for peace for years. I tried to find it through religion, friendships, moving from one relationship to another, but none of this worked.  I finally learned that I was looking outside myself for peace. Even expecting GOD to provide internal peace when I kept looking for people to make me happy didn’t work. While I was still married, I went to Al-anon meetings, and that program was the first place that I learned that I needed to take care of myself. I finally  became strong enough to make healthier decisions for me, as in getting a divorce instead of holding on to a fantasy.  Re-examining my beliefs about God, religion, and spirituality and beginning to meditate daily has led to the most peace I have known in my life – because I have found it within, instead of expecting it from outside myself.

“The world around us will never be peaceful until we ourselves are at PEACE WITHIN. If we are fighting and angry on the inside we will never experience the opposite on the outside.”
― Angie Karan Krezos

Love.   The greatest thing in life is to give and receive love. Without doubt, I have always been loved – I had a good upbringing with loving parents, have been in love relationships, and have had the love of my children, which I would have to say is the most special of all. I have generally taken care of myself, but until I began in earnest a quest for enlightenment, didn’t realize that I hadn’t been truly loving myself, which had the effect of an inability to give love unselfishly. Unselfish love doesn’t demand anything in return, yet attracts lovingkindness.

“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.”  ― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Freedom.   When I focused on the chaos around me and in me, I attracted chaos.As I learned that peace and love had to begin with me, I began to attracted peaceful and loving people into my life.  As my life changed, and I disentangled myself from that which didn’t serve me well, I began to experience a buoyancy of spirit. I also did something I’d wanted to do for a long time – divested myself of homeownership along with numerous possessions and embraced a more minimalistic lifestyle. This lightness of spirit plus minimalism has led to a sense of freedom that I’ve never known. I must add here that the fact that my 7 children don’t live with me anymore also contributes to that sense of freedom.

“Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.” ― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own

As I ponder these ideas, I am thankful for every step of the journey that has brought me to HERE.  A huge life lesson is to learn to live without regrets, whether it be about how I failed my children, or wasn’t able to stay married, or wasted money. All those things were part of what I was supposed to learn. I have no doubt that I have more lessons ahead of me. I plan to meet whatever challenges lie ahead with peace, love, and hope.

 

 

 

 

 

The Golden Key

Sara Moser6 Comments

I am a seeker. I’m always looking for more. More wisdom, more truth, more answers. My mind is active, my questions are many. I’ve found answers, kept some, discarded others. I continue searching – searching for that place of peace and quiet, settledness of mind.

So as I consider the question, where would I go if I had a golden key that would open any door, it didn’t take long for me to realize that I have already had the door open to that place. The key is meditation, and the place is mysterious.

I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths, and focus inward, and my mantra flows in the background. Just the act of closing my eyes opens the door to a new world. Thoughts arise, thoughts fall, I bring my attention back to center- it becomes a sort of dance, a flow. I gradually relax, tension releases. Sometimes there are many thoughts swirling around, and I wonder “is this really meditation?” Other times I am so tired I fall asleep. Then there are the special moments when I see something profound, or have a brilliant idea — but don’t remember it later.

These are a few of the things that happen to me during meditation. What I was taught is to practice nonjudgment about whatever happens. The point is to take the time (for me, it is 30 minutes, twice daily) to sit and be with myself. There is a cleansing, a releasing, that happens during meditation. Sometimes I feel a great deal of energy, particularly in my hands and feet. Always, without me even noticing it, there are those moments when I slip into “the gap”, that place between thoughts, where peace resides.

Over time, in daily life, I realize that I am less reactive, and others who know me say “there’s something different about you.”

I think everyone experiences something different, because we are all unique. What happens to you, when you sit with yourself?

 

 

Blogging 101: Blogroll

Sara Moser1 Comment

Blogging 101 assignment: Build a better Blogroll.

I’m still not exactly sure what a blogroll is. The assignment says to share a few links to places I love. Here are a few places that I visit regularly.

Mindbodygreen has some great articles on health and relationships.

Brainpickings is an amazing collection of information and excerpts from authors. I love finding things like this, an alphabet book on embracing uncertainty and imperfection. Or this one about Leonard Cohen.

Becoming minimalist has some great articles on what is really important in life. I’ve gradually downsized over the last few years and  Joshua Becker became a sort of mentor for me in this area.

Deepak Chopra is one of the most amazing men of our time. I started meditating with one of his 21 day meditations about a year ago, which led to two trips to the Chopra Center last spring. I learned Primordial Sound Meditation, and daily practice since March has made a profound impact on how I respond to daily life. Anything he has written is worth your time.

If you have a chance to visit any of these places, let me know your opinions and thoughts. I’d love to hear from you.

Facing fear

Sara Moser6 Comments

I chose “embracing uncertainty” as the name of my blog because this has been my life, although until recently, I couldn’t see that. I always liked the illusion of being in control, of making things happen.

Learning the seven spiritual laws has really changed the way I look at life. Detachment simply means not being attached to a particular outcome, or point of view. I get up in the morning and have no idea what the day will bring. I meet someone or have a conversation, and let life flow, as opposed to imposing my views or desires on others, or even GOD.

For three months, since I started meditating regularly, I have asked myself the soul question: Who am I? The idea is to just ask,  then meditate, with no expectations of anything. This is really an effort for me , as I like immediate answers. I recently opened a book, The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, subtitled A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity. The author suggests writing morning pages, three longhand pages of whatever comes to mind. The hope is that whatever is blocked will be released. So I have been doing this for a couple of weeks, and it has basically become a journaling. Yesterday I came across an author who mentors – http://www.joannefedler.com and got  her 21 spoonfed writing tips for finding your writing voice. The first tip is to “spend some time writing about what makes you who you are, what moments in your life have shaped you.” Wow. Same as the soul question.

So I sat to write. And admitted on paper that I resist this exploration. And started writing, not expecting much. But as I wrote, I was able to see that I am a passionate, loving woman, and I give myself wholly to those I choose to love. As I continued to explore events and people who have shaped me and my life, I had what to me was an amazing aha revelation – the facing of fear has shaped me in a major way. And this:

Facing fear is like walking blindfolded through a wall of flame, not knowing how badly I might be burned, or if I will survive the heat, and if I do survive, not knowing what I will find on the other side or if I will be able to handle it.

Accepting the inevitability of change doesn’t mean giving up what I want. I just recognize that I control my choices, but have no idea what the consequences will be. Watching life unfold becomes wonderful instead of fearful.