Tag: purpose

Morning Introspection

Sara Moser3 Comments

I went down to the lake this morning to drink my coffee. It is coffee, although I am gradually decreasing the coffee and increasing the Raja’s cup. Blended with butter, it is delicious.

The lake has a lot of vegetation floating on it. Robert thinks it is water hyacinth. Much haslake with water hyacinth gathered along the pier and boardwalk where I sat, contemplating and watching the birds. Lately, when I look out the window, I don’t see many birds. But sitting, they come. I don’t know the names of most of them.

There are gulls, of course, and an occasional egret. I think the large black bird is a grackle. There are smaller birds that flit quickly over the water, and seem to really like the water hyacinth islands. I wonder if there are insects there that are easy to catch. I saw a lone duck, flying low, quacking as he went. I wonder if he’s trying to catch up to his friends.

My favorite is the pelican, but there were none to be seen this morning.

My thoughts recently are wandering to the future. I want to stay in this present moment, mindfully, enjoying the beauty of the morning. Yet, I am in a spot where my life has had another turning point, and I have set a goal.

Next June, 2016, will see the culmination of some of these goals and the beginning of something else. It’s that something else that keeps causing me to wonder.

Sometime last summer or fall, it had become clear to me that it was time to think about my future. I don’t want to stay at my job forever, or even for a few more years. I want to travel, even live a gypy’s life, maybe.

Goal #1: save as much money as I can, for the time when I leave the job. Goal #2: work full time until June 2016. I will have been there for 6 years, and I will have had enough. I sometimes feel like I’ve had enough now, but practicality still reigns somewhat. I think there’s still purpose for me there. That month, I will be 59 1/2, the age of being able to withdraw some monies without penalty.

Those were my only real goals until I made the decision to enroll with New World Ayurveda. Not only is the course of study exactly what I am interested and the cost affordable, but the concluding week long intensive is in….. (drum roll, please)… June 2016!

A major shift has occurred since I began this study, a shift in my soul, a new sense of purpose. Robert, my partner, says it is visibly noticeable. I’ve had people ask me what  is happening, I have a more peaceful appearance. I can feel it inside.

I think it all started when I learned Primordial Sound Meditation and began the practice of twice daily meditation – March of last year. I don’t understand how it works, but it does.  I started stepping out of my comfort zone more and more, with painting, writing (this blog), decisions about ridding myself of toxic relationships, and other issues related to how I live day to day.

So, as I sat thinking on this, enjoying the beauty of the morning, I realized that the wondering about what would happen in June of 2016 was turning into worrying.  I was sitting in a place of beauty, so I closed my eyes, felt the air, took a few breaths, and decided that the best thing to do would be to write about it and let it go. I opened my eyes, drank in the beauty once more, and went inside to write.

Sunday stream of consciousness writing

Sara Moser5 Comments

foggy morningI opened the windows last night because the air inside felt stagnant. After all the rain we’ve had, it warmed enough to be comfortable. This morning there is fog, and some kind of floating plant matter in the lake. I can hear the birds, but don’t see them. Feeling the cool air, wrapped in my fuzzy blanket – it’s almost like having a patio! The air inside is fresh again.

I had joined a group on meetup and was going to go running with them this morning. If I hadn’t changed my mind last night, I’d be there right now. But I had the realization that those days are over. I don’t want to injure my body again. I pushed it to its limits and last year it protested with a back injury, and with  gentle yoga and moderate walking I am finally pain free. Why would I put myself in the position of reinjuring myself, my body seemed to ask me? So here I sit, my body softer, but happier, enjoying the morning. I’ll do my yoga in a bit.

I was determined to finish  A Woman’s Book of Life, and I did, last night. This book is amazing, as it traces a woman’s life from birth to death. I needed to read it at this time in my life.  As a result of this read, I am more okay with my life as it has been, and more accepting of my own aging. At 58, I am considered “elderly” by the younger generation, and I am going to embrace the uncertainty of what that might mean.  I am studying new things, learning to trust my intuition in new ways, and, on the physical plane, trying to let my crazy graying hair be what it is, which in a way is more challenging than anything else!

I listened to the first part of the first lecture of my new class with New World Ayurveda. The main thing I learned is that ayurveda is consciousness based healing. This is so exciting to me. As I’ve mentioned, I am a nurse working in a hospital and it is a revolving door for so many with chronic illness. Traditional western medicine only looks at the body, then divides the body into parts. Thus we have all the specialty areas, and doctors focusing down to just one organ, and prescribing a pill which will only manage symptoms. I am excited to be learning to look at the person as more than just a body.

Last night, we watched The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. The first one, not the current one in theaters. Excellent, fun, movie! I wonder if part 2 is as good.

Today, I will spend some time with my sweetheart, Robert. It’s a beautiful day, so perhaps we’ll go to the park and sit in the sun. I want to paint a bit, read, and see how life unfolds.

 

Make the decision

Sara Moser3 Comments


“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back…Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!” – attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Once the commitment is made, calmness and clarity arrive. Up until that point, your mind may be full of what if’s, I can’t, this is too much, is this the wrong choice?  Then, in a moment, you take the step, you say you will, you pay your money. There’s a flurry of activity, excitement, a bit of fear…but you’re in! You’re really going to do this thing! It could be going to college, or starting a new job, or buying airline or cruise tickets, or moving across the country or across the world.

In my case, the decision was to sign up with New World Ayurveda, with the goal of becoming an Ayurvedic Practitioner. I investigated, meditated, questioned, prayed. It seemed good, and a path that fit with my passion. I wrestled in my head and heart and decided to go for it. It wasn’t that it was right or wrong, it just fit. And once I decided, I felt peace. I’ve paid my money, have access online, am waiting for some books. I can start setting goals and studying today! I’m calm and excited at the same time. I’ve started looking at the material and could easily get overwhelmed, but I refuse to go there. I’m on a path, I have purpose, and all I have to do is keep walking. The uncertainty will always be there.

embrace uncertainty

Following my passion

Sara Moser1 Comment

 “Let the beauty you love be what you do.”   -Rumi

For about three years I have been on a journey of the soul, seeking what is next for me, in how I live my life, and how I will spend the majority of my hours. For the last year, as part of my meditation practice, I have been asking myself three questions: Who am I? What do I really, really want? What is my dharma, my purpose?

I have made conscious life changes during this time, the only constant being that I go to my job consistently. And this has been, and is, a good thing. Besides being my bread and butter, I made some very good friends. I plan to continue going to this job for at least another year, in spite of major workplace changes, unless circumstances dictate otherwise.

tridosha-symbol

I am very happy to announce that I have enrolled in a course of study to become an ayurvedic practioner. I have looked into life and health coaching programs, but nothing spoke to my soul until I came across this program. I believe in looking for signs, synchronicity, clues from the universe that some might call coincidence. I “met” Melissa, whose blog is Sattvic Life, after I posted about my experience with the Hot Belly Diet. She blogs about her journey learning ayurveda and her joy in life. She has been an inspiration to me.

My entire adult life I have embraced various schools of thought regarding what is healthy, from studying medical nutrition in nursing school to growing my own food and making everything from scratch, and quite a lot in between. I realized that my passion is in promoting wellness, and what I know already about ayurveda is that its focus is on balancing that which is out of balance – mind, body, and spirit, as opposed to western medicine’s focus of focusing on only the physical and providing a pill for every ailment without addressing the root cause.

My dream is that in pursuing this course of study I will learn more about how to promote good health, using what I already know as a Registered Nurse, and integrating the new knowledge I will acquire. I want to have the abilities and credentials to establish a business in which I can help those who seek perfect health.

So here I go, continuing the journey. I am quite excited!

Musings

Sara Moser6 Comments

If there is anything certain in life, it is that something will change. Kind of like the weather. Two days ago we had near freezing gloomy rain, and today it is beautiful and sunny, around 70 degrees.

Take this blog, and my reasons for writing, for example.  At the beginning of January I was determined that I was going to check in on my assignment for Blogging 101 every day and really improve what I am doing here. But I have only done a couple of the assignments. I keep playing around with the theme and widgets, and I think I’m finally happy with it. I do wish I could figure out how to insert a picture and text next to it as well as above or below it. Is there anyone reading who can help me with that?

I started thinking that I’m finding my voice and doing ok with writing, then I read this post about all the terrible writing that is appearing on the internet and was sure that she’s talking about me.(She also has some suggestions for some really good reads. )The same day someone nominated me for an award so I felt a bit better. But decided against accepting or getting involved in it due to the process required.

I was frustrated with myself this past week because I had nothing to write about. I felt tired and was crying for no apparent reason. Then I realized that I had expended a great deal of emotional energy writing the letter to my father, and deciding to post it here rather than actually mail it to him. Additionally, I am grieving the loss of the possibility of the kind of relationship I had hoped to have with him.

I’m trying to find the perfect balance of work, family, healthy eating and exercise, creative pursuits, writing, and occasionally traveling. I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing here. I don’t want to just try to get readers, I want to have something meaningful to say. Sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed by it all. That is when I remember to draw myself back into the moment and think about all that I have to be grateful for.

It’s Sunday night, and I will be back in the work-a-day world tomorrow morning. I have a comfortable bed to sleep in, plenty of food, lots of love to give and receive. Moment by moment I will look for opportunities to make a difference in someone else’s life, by a kind word or deed.

May your week be all that you want it to be, whatever you put your hand to do!