Tag: uncertainty

Wasting time in the morning on a day off

Sara Moser1 Comment

“At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

My son is getting married tomorrow.

So I took 3 days off from work to lessen my stress. I am very excited that the other six kids are going to be at the wedding.

I woke up three hours ago and have been goofing around since then with the notion that surely I can find something profound to write about. But without the pressure of time, I found myself doing the following:

1. Playing Words with Friends (currently have 4 games in progress)
2. Catching up on Facebook (can definitely waste alot of time here)
3. Trying to figure out what I can post on my Facebook page to get someone, anyone, to be interested in being a customer or rep, or just want to get the freebie about cosmetic toxins (http://www.sassysorganics.com) (yes, I’d love for you to go there and request the freebie)
4. Read this article http://www.becomingminimalist.com/better-things-than-riches/
5. Took notes on above article, thinking I could use some of the material in a meaningful blog post
6. More Facebook
7. Checked email (mostly promotions and social media notifications) Whatever happened to writing letters to people?
8. Painted my toenails pail blue to coordinate with my mother of the groom attire. Gotta do my fingernails.
9. A little more Facebook. I’m gonna try to ignore it until after the wedding. Right?
10. Wrote this.

So… I don’t really think it’s wasted time. Sometimes, down time is needed. Yesterday I had a mini meltdown, allowed myself some crying and yelling in the car, talked it out with my sweetie, who has a great shoulder to cry on. Today, I feel great, ready for the love -fest of a wedding and family reunion!

Nothing is really wasted, no mistakes are made.

Not really bad, but anytime is a good time for chocolate! I'll take the dark kind.
Not really bad, but anytime is a good time for chocolate! I’ll take the dark kind.

What do you like to “waste time” doing?

 

Golden Rule

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Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

This “rule”, known as the Golden Rule, comes from Matthew 7:12 in the Bible and is taught in some form or another to most small children in America, no matter the parents religious belief. Seems simple enough, but it certainly isn’t easy. If someone has harmed me, or cheated me, this little sentence becomes pretty radical.

I am reading a book called The Third Jesus by Deepak Chopra. As a person who lived and breathed fundamentalist Christianity for 25+ years, this book is a breath of fresh air. I have been questioning my beliefs for about 5 years now, not a churchgoer anymore, but always a lover of Jesus. I am finding answers to some of my deepest questions, bringing new clarity to the question, “What would Jesus do?” The simple answer, after reading about 50 pages, is love. Not just those who agree with him, or those who are kind to him, but everyone.

In Matthew 5:44-45 Jesus says to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…..God makes the sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the the righteous and the unrighteous.  Whoa. Can I really do that? And that seems pretty unfair!  This passage is speaking of divine love, the kind of love that is so beautiful yet so hard to live by. The images here are sun and rain – the basis of life, the source of nourishment. Inside each of us is a level of awareness that is as steady as the sun and as life-giving as rain. According to Dr. Chopra, this is pure Being, and without a connection to it, loving your enemy is impossible. This is a clear dividing line between everyday mortal consciousness and the higher state of consciousness Jesus was teaching about.

How do I apply these lofty ideas to my day to day life? That is the basic question for me. In general, I’m not persecuted. My workaday world is one in which I find myself having opportunity to help and serve people who are in distressing situations. My boss is pretty great most of the time. I have no coworker issues.  But I have plenty of judgmental thoughts, or I disagree with someone else’s actions or stated beliefs, or I see political posts on Facebook that make my blood boil.  What do I do?

On a daily basis, I meditate. I used to try to “pray”, as prescribed by the Church, but my soul never seemed to really connect with who I perceived God to be. Meditation has brought calmness to my soul, and a sense of connection to the greater universe, what some might call cosmic consciousness. As situations arise and negative ideas or thoughts permeate my brain, I try to pause and think about it. There are times that the right response is righteous anger, as when someone innocent is being harmed, but most of the time, the best action is to let the thoughts either settle or drift away, and  look for the loving response.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind….and love your neighbor as yourself.

These words from Matthew 22 are the basis of the God kind of love, whatever your personal beliefs are. This isn’t about being a monk, or a nun, or about going to church on Sunday, or being a follower of Jesus, or of Mohammed, or Buddha, or anyone else. This is really talking about a change of mind and heart, and it is not a struggle to simply love when the mind has found its god-source. It isn’t a struggle anymore. Just as a mother doesn’t have to think of loving her baby, loving the god-force by loving others comes as naturally as breathing.

The Hope of Loving
 
What keeps us alive, what allows us to endure?
I think it is the hope of loving, or being loved.
I heard a fable once about the sun going on a journey
to find its source, and how the moon wept
without her lover’s warm gaze.
We weep when light does not reach our hearts.
We wither like fields if someone close does 
not rain their kindness upon us.
 
  – Meister Eckhart

 

 

What do I want?

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Good morning beautiful world! I decided to free write here this morning and see if I would be brave enough to publish it for my growing cadre of followers. Thank you for reading. Deciding to have a blog was something I’d been wanting to do, but when I wrote my first post, it was because I had something burning in me. I am finding that this isn’t usually the case – but I am not going to wait for inspiration to “hit” because there would be nothing here most of the time. And I realized that it is my blog so I can do anything I want! So sometimes there will be amazing profundity flowing through my fingers, other times it may just be a few photos or a poem I have found. Heck, maybe I’ll post a recipe some day.

I keep going back to the questions “who am I, what do I want, what is my purpose?” Sometimes I want a voice thundering down from the sky with a very clear answer.  The question that is bothering me the most at the moment is  what do I want – relative to my daily work. I go to a job every day that is at times tedious, but does give me opportunity to interact with people and achieve part of what I know my purpose is – to encourage others and help where I can. I make a decent income to maintain my minimalist lifestyle, and I have everything I need and more.

I decided in February to invest in some organic products – skin and body care mostly, as well as some superfoods – with the intention of growing a business. I love the products, but am somewhat uncertain as to what I really really want to do. I have never been one to want to sell anything, yet I would like to break out of the box of “just” going to work every day, and I know if I put some work into it, I could have a little flow of income established, at the very least. Sigh. I think I’m feeling a bit lazy about it at the moment.

So I go to the Spiritual Law of the Day, and find that Thursday’s is the Law of Intention and Desire. Of course! So I  will go about my day, following the rhythm of life, putting one foot in front of the other, looking for opportunities to make a positive difference in at least one person’s life. And I will look for synchronicity – those amazing things that happen that affirm that my life is one strand in the larger web of life. Letting life unfold, making choices as situations and opportunities arise, the answers will come.

The Essence of Desire

I did not

have to ask my heart

what it wanted,

because of all the desires

I have ever known,

just one did I cling to,

for it was the essence of all desire:

to hold beauty

in my soul’s arms.

–St John of the Cross

 

Uncertain weekend

Sara Moser1 Comment

uncertain sign

Texas. Everything is here, even the town of Uncertain. I found this town on a map a couple of years ago, when I was wanting to find a cabin by a lake. Last weekend my desire was fulfilled. My sweetheart had also been wanting to go there for a long time, so we  were happy to find ourselves there together, fulfilling our mutual thirst for being in nature, getting in touch with the vibration of the universe.

We rented a cabin for two nights very near this swampy, lily pad engorged body of water.

Cypress trees

Lily pad bowl

The first thing we noticed, after the long hair of the Spanish moss draped cypress trees, was the wonderful smell of the woods. Living near a big city, and refineries, this was a real treat.

Spanish moss lives off the air, is not harmful to the trees, and is actually related to pineapples!
Spanish moss lives off the air, is not harmful to the trees, and is actually related to pineapples!

Dragonflies were everywhere!

Dragonfly

Dragonflies start to grow in water and then move into the air and fly. When this spirit animal shows up in your life you may be called to transform and evolve. Symbol of metamorphosis and transformation, it inspires those who have it as a totem to bring about the changes needed in their lives in order to go to reach their full potential.

When this spirit animal shows up in your life, it’s an indication that it’s time for change. Just like the dragonfly changes colors as it matures, you may be called to live and experience yourself differently. Stay open to the enfoldment of your personal journey.  http://www.spiritanimal.info/dragonfly-spirit-animal/

The second morning we sat out under the trees on the edge of the lake, enjoying the stillness of the water, the intermittent sound of the frogs, the sight of the insects glittering on the surface of the water, and an occasional glimpse of a bird, although they were not easily visible. In the distance, I heard the sound of a boat. At first I was annoyed at this disturbance, but as it passed it had a certain beauty of its own, making the trees dance in the wavy reflections in its wake. The frogs stayed quiet for a minute as the sound faded, then, as if in answer to the vibration song of the boat’s motor, burst into l song, and at the same time, I seemed to feel the joy of the frogs — my entire body tingled and I almost wept. It was a wondrous experience.

Later that day we took a guided tour of the lake. It was hot, but it was worth it. Our guide, Chas, had grown up in the area and was very knowledgeable.

The trees look like they are dancing
The trees look like they are dancing

 

This place made me believe in dryads. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dryad
This place made me believe in dryads.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dryad
My favorite photo. The reflections are amazing.
My favorite photo. The reflections are amazing.

I definitely want to return to this magical place. I made friends in unexpected places!

First time to hug a tree. I really felt happy about it, and I think the tree did too.
First time to hug a tree. I really felt happy about it, and I think the tree did too.

 

Empty nest

Sara Moser5 Comments

My youngest daughter moved out today. I thought I was ready – I’ve been mothering for 35 years, and  I am tired of telling people to clean up their room and do the dishes. We’ve been anticipating this day for a long time. But as I stood in the living room early this morning, surrounded by the boxes of her belongings, reality hit and the tears flowed. She’s really leaving. But she’s just a little girl. She’s too young. Even as these thoughts bring more tears, the knowledge that she is ready, and she is strong, helped me to return to sanity.

Carol Anne is the youngest of seven. I didn’t think it would be harder when she left than it was with the others – I’ve shed tears for all of them. There were many days when my nest was so full that I felt completely overwhelmed.  Today, I do feel like a mother bird who has carefully made sure that the eggs would hatch, then faithfully provided for the babies, with their heads thrown back and mouths opened, dependent on me for food.sevenbabybirds

 I watched each baby grow and learn, occasionally venturing to the edge, flapping their wings more and more, until one by one, they flew off, wobbly at first, falling sometimes, gradually gaining confidence and strength.babybirds3

Some are a little resistant.

babybirdfirstfly

Some are fierce no matter what.

babybirdwalking

 

They all eventually conquer the challenge and fly free.

flying-bird

 

I am left alone, but not bereft.  Each one of my babies is forever tucked right under my heart, nurtured in that secret place inside that only a mother knows. No matter where they go, they are always with me, even the most independent of the bunch. I am satisfied that I have done something good by bringing these humans into the world, as messed up as the world can be. I strongly believe that each of them has a God-given purpose – and mine was to nurture these and let them go. I made mistakes, but I have learned not to judge myself – I did the best I could with the awareness I had at the time. They are all amazing and forgiving. My purpose as a Mother never ends.

grandma cartoon

PS. Carol called me to let me know that all is well. She is only 3 hours away, in Nacogdoches, TX to continue her music studies and follow her dreams. And I? I see a beautiful future for me, too, as I follow my own heart.