Tag: who am I

What do I want?

Sara MoserLeave a comment

Good morning beautiful world! I decided to free write here this morning and see if I would be brave enough to publish it for my growing cadre of followers. Thank you for reading. Deciding to have a blog was something I’d been wanting to do, but when I wrote my first post, it was because I had something burning in me. I am finding that this isn’t usually the case – but I am not going to wait for inspiration to “hit” because there would be nothing here most of the time. And I realized that it is my blog so I can do anything I want! So sometimes there will be amazing profundity flowing through my fingers, other times it may just be a few photos or a poem I have found. Heck, maybe I’ll post a recipe some day.

I keep going back to the questions “who am I, what do I want, what is my purpose?” Sometimes I want a voice thundering down from the sky with a very clear answer.  The question that is bothering me the most at the moment is  what do I want – relative to my daily work. I go to a job every day that is at times tedious, but does give me opportunity to interact with people and achieve part of what I know my purpose is – to encourage others and help where I can. I make a decent income to maintain my minimalist lifestyle, and I have everything I need and more.

I decided in February to invest in some organic products – skin and body care mostly, as well as some superfoods – with the intention of growing a business. I love the products, but am somewhat uncertain as to what I really really want to do. I have never been one to want to sell anything, yet I would like to break out of the box of “just” going to work every day, and I know if I put some work into it, I could have a little flow of income established, at the very least. Sigh. I think I’m feeling a bit lazy about it at the moment.

So I go to the Spiritual Law of the Day, and find that Thursday’s is the Law of Intention and Desire. Of course! So I  will go about my day, following the rhythm of life, putting one foot in front of the other, looking for opportunities to make a positive difference in at least one person’s life. And I will look for synchronicity – those amazing things that happen that affirm that my life is one strand in the larger web of life. Letting life unfold, making choices as situations and opportunities arise, the answers will come.

The Essence of Desire

I did not

have to ask my heart

what it wanted,

because of all the desires

I have ever known,

just one did I cling to,

for it was the essence of all desire:

to hold beauty

in my soul’s arms.

–St John of the Cross

 

Facing fear

Sara Moser6 Comments

I chose “embracing uncertainty” as the name of my blog because this has been my life, although until recently, I couldn’t see that. I always liked the illusion of being in control, of making things happen.

Learning the seven spiritual laws has really changed the way I look at life. Detachment simply means not being attached to a particular outcome, or point of view. I get up in the morning and have no idea what the day will bring. I meet someone or have a conversation, and let life flow, as opposed to imposing my views or desires on others, or even GOD.

For three months, since I started meditating regularly, I have asked myself the soul question: Who am I? The idea is to just ask,  then meditate, with no expectations of anything. This is really an effort for me , as I like immediate answers. I recently opened a book, The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, subtitled A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity. The author suggests writing morning pages, three longhand pages of whatever comes to mind. The hope is that whatever is blocked will be released. So I have been doing this for a couple of weeks, and it has basically become a journaling. Yesterday I came across an author who mentors – http://www.joannefedler.com and got  her 21 spoonfed writing tips for finding your writing voice. The first tip is to “spend some time writing about what makes you who you are, what moments in your life have shaped you.” Wow. Same as the soul question.

So I sat to write. And admitted on paper that I resist this exploration. And started writing, not expecting much. But as I wrote, I was able to see that I am a passionate, loving woman, and I give myself wholly to those I choose to love. As I continued to explore events and people who have shaped me and my life, I had what to me was an amazing aha revelation – the facing of fear has shaped me in a major way. And this:

Facing fear is like walking blindfolded through a wall of flame, not knowing how badly I might be burned, or if I will survive the heat, and if I do survive, not knowing what I will find on the other side or if I will be able to handle it.

Accepting the inevitability of change doesn’t mean giving up what I want. I just recognize that I control my choices, but have no idea what the consequences will be. Watching life unfold becomes wonderful instead of fearful.