Category: Moving forward

Milestone birthday

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Really, every birthday is a milestone. But today, I’m 65. When you are a child, that seems VERY OLD. When you are a young adult, in your 20’s, it seems like forever away. When you reach your 40’s, and feel very wise, 65 starts becoming more real, but still, a long way off. In your 50’s, you start looking forward to when you can retire and get Medicare.

This year, my 65th year, has been a gift to myself. I quit my full time job and did a lot of traveling, including two 2 month travel nurse stints , the first in Chattanooga, and the second in Carson City. I loved Chattanooga, and basically hated Carson City. I learned that I missed being home with my husband, and I missed seeing my grandchildren. I learned that staying in an airbnb room in someone else’s house is not something I ever want to do again!

So, I came home, started working part time, took a road trip to see all my kids and went on a retreat in Costa Rica (and wrote about these trips on this blog, if you’re interested). I’m enjoying the holiday season, being with family, pondering all that I’ve experienced.

And, although I did sign up for Medicare, I’m not retiring and getting social security just yet. I’ve also learned that, although I do enjoy staycation for a while, I also like the structure that work offers, plus I can find meaning in my work. And yeah, the paycheck is a bit bigger than what SS offers.

So, in January, it’s back to being a full time acute care RN Case Manager in the hospital 10 minutes from home. For how long, I don’t know. I do know that I’m strong and healthy, and still have much to offer the world.

5 things about attitude I’ve learned from 58 years of birthdays

Ch-ch-ch-change

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When it comes to life, we spin our own yarn, and where we end up is really, in fact, where we always intended to be. –Julia Glass, Three Junes

The past year and a half has been challenging for the entire world. Yet, I am my own world. I have always had a tendency to do things differently than “the standard”, and this period of time , this pandemic time (which isn’t over!) is no exception.

I am an acute care RN case manager, which means that I work in hospitals, but don’t have direct patient care. I have seen the front line workers, what they do, their dedication and exhaustion. I am pro mask wearing and pro vaccination. I didn’t, however find myself as one of so many who isolated themselves at home. I couldn’t, if I wanted to keep working in my profession.

What am I getting at, you may be wondering if you’ve read this far? Well, I am the kind of person who likes change. In my youth, I wrestled with this, but now, at the edge of the “golden years” I embrace it. Thus the title of this blog. So, I found a way to have change and adventure by taking on a couple of travel gigs. Just as my husband was returning from a year + position in a city 4 hours away, I decided to work away from home.

So, in 2021, I spent two months in Chattanooga, TN, a city I fell in love with, and plan to return to. I came home for a bit, then spent the summer in Carson City, NV, and although I had some great experiences exploring parts of Lake Tahoe and going to California, I never want to return there. Again, I am home, and am returning to work locally, grateful for the adventure and perspective gained.

I am going to take a solo road trip before I settle down again. I want to write about it, thus my reappearance on this blog. I will make a circular route, taking my time, visiting family and maybe a few friends along the way. I know my approximate route, but am making no advance reservations. I’m looking forward to the adventure of uncertainty.

If you want to come along, follow me.

September musings

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I sit here drinking coffee, the morning sun streaming through the window on this beautiful Saturday morning. I am pensive this morning. I read some journal entries from 5 and 6 years ago, which was a time of great personal growth for me, a great time, really. But had this realization that I am a bit stuck right now.

I have a very secure lifestyle. In this strange pandemic time we are in, I have a secure, well-paying job. I have a nice place to live. I have the love of my family, and get to see my grandchildren regularly. I have a wonderful husband, whose job working in another city has made this year even stranger than “just” all the other happenings in the bigger world.

I will be 64 in December. I am at the time of my life when many think of retirement, or have already retired. I don’t want to “retire”. I do want change, though. I am considering taking a travel job assignment, which would take me to new places, new experiences, new people, yet I’d be able to take more time off between assignments.

I am inspired by older people who keep going. In particular, my role models are people in the entertainment industry. “Old” actors who keep acting into their 80’s and 90’s are my new role models. Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin didn’t decide they couldn’t take on new projects just because they were past a certain age, for example.

Time to envision the second half of my life. For now, I look forward to a Saturday afternoon riding bikes with children.

Not my first rodeo! (or why getting married at 60 is better than at 20)

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Well, obviously, I’m a lot smarter than I was 40 years ago. I’ve made a lot of choices, and in spite of some of them looking bad at the time, I have no regrets.

As I muse, on the eve of my marriage to the man who will be my third (and last?!) husband, I do ponder my life with some amazement!

I married my high school sweetheart at 19. What babies we were! I thought it was forever, certainly planned for it to be forever. We had a roller coaster ride, and along the way seven wonderful little lives were created and birthed into this world. Certainly can’t regret that!

Midlife came along, and until you are there, and then well beyond, you don’t understand what a midlife crisis is really all about. For me, I had the first realization that life was short and I didn’t want to keep living the life I was living. And the only way I knew to change it, because of the rather narrow vision I had at the time,  was to change husbands.

Now I know that I created my world, and I could have created change in a different and more healthy way. But that’s not what happened, and I got just what I thought I wanted. At 43 I divorced and quickly married again, tried to make it work for 12 years. I had wanted more pizzazz in my life, and I got it, but not in a healthy way. What got birthed through all that was an older and wiser woman! I learned to take responsibility for my choices and learned to make better ones! I don’t regret that!

And I was done with marriage! I was 56 years young, feeling strong, and made plans to have a whole lot of fun that I had missed out on in my pursuit of living the perfect marriage. I minimized and moved, and started living the exciting single life.

I joined meetup, because I only wanted to meet people, not date. Oh no, I was done with men! I went to parties, happy hours, restaurants, went to running groups, did all kinds of things I’d never done. I did get involved with someone, but it was always known that it was just for fun. I  went out with a few guys, but it was more out of curiosity then wanting a real relationship.  Then, only a year after I was divorced, I met Robert.

I’d gone to yet another meetup, at the wine bar down the street. He was there, along with a bunch of other people, and there was no love at first sight. Just another guy. But we met again, at another meetup a week later, and that is when something magical happened. I had this moment when we were sitting at the table talking, and the rest of the world just kind of faded away, like in a movie.

So, long story short, that was four years ago. A year ago Robert proposed to me right before my fabulous 60th birthday. (He threw me a great party, btw!)  I’ve had enough time and experience with him to know that he is the real deal, for me. I know what I want, and don’t want.

The biggest deal is that I am entirely safe to be who I am in this relationship. There’s no big drama, no narcissism. There is a constant love and acceptance, and an understanding that love isn’t always FELT. Rather, love, the marriage kind of love, is a knowing. Knowing that you feel good with this other who is a mirror of your true self. Knowing that life is great lived without a partner, but somehow, with this person, life is a whole lot better.

So, never say never. Be open, be careful, be ready to be surprised!

Am I saying “til death do us part” ? No, not this time. Said it twice before, broke that promise. I fully expect it to be til one of us leaves this body, but saying that just doesn’t seem to be necessary.

I am getting married tomorrow!

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Moving!

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In two days, some men with a moving truck will load up all our worldly possessions, drive the 60 miles across Houston, and unload them all in a new space.

The last month has been stressful, to say the least. Talk about uncertainty! We found a place we loved, but for a number of reasons walked away from the deal as the red flags were waving all over the place. Quickly found another wonderful place that seemed to be calling to us, and it seemed to take an eternity to get the YES we needed and to get all the paperwork squared away. It felt like those fight scenes in movies where they suddenly go slo-mo and then everything speeds back up. Totally out of control.

20170623_184003And now, as we sit among the boxes, sorting and packing, feeling the tension build and taking steps to release it ( like going out for pizza, having pillow fights, watching movies), we are so ready to be there and find the new adventures waiting.

This move, as most are, is a leap of faith. We never really know what we are getting into until we get there, right? We may love the house or apartment, but we don’t know it’s quirks. We may love the location, but we don’t really know the neighborhood, or, more importantly, the neighbors.

We take our familiar possessions with us into the great unknown, and work to make them fit into unfamiliar surroundings. And we do that with ourselves, making shifts and changes to fit into the new subculture we find ourselves in.

What people will we meet? What experiences will we have? Where will this road lead?

I am in the unfolding.