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Wasting time in the morning on a day off

Sara Moser1 Comment

“At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

My son is getting married tomorrow.

So I took 3 days off from work to lessen my stress. I am very excited that the other six kids are going to be at the wedding.

I woke up three hours ago and have been goofing around since then with the notion that surely I can find something profound to write about. But without the pressure of time, I found myself doing the following:

1. Playing Words with Friends (currently have 4 games in progress)
2. Catching up on Facebook (can definitely waste alot of time here)
3. Trying to figure out what I can post on my Facebook page to get someone, anyone, to be interested in being a customer or rep, or just want to get the freebie about cosmetic toxins (http://www.sassysorganics.com) (yes, I’d love for you to go there and request the freebie)
4. Read this article http://www.becomingminimalist.com/better-things-than-riches/
5. Took notes on above article, thinking I could use some of the material in a meaningful blog post
6. More Facebook
7. Checked email (mostly promotions and social media notifications) Whatever happened to writing letters to people?
8. Painted my toenails pail blue to coordinate with my mother of the groom attire. Gotta do my fingernails.
9. A little more Facebook. I’m gonna try to ignore it until after the wedding. Right?
10. Wrote this.

So… I don’t really think it’s wasted time. Sometimes, down time is needed. Yesterday I had a mini meltdown, allowed myself some crying and yelling in the car, talked it out with my sweetie, who has a great shoulder to cry on. Today, I feel great, ready for the love -fest of a wedding and family reunion!

Nothing is really wasted, no mistakes are made.

Not really bad, but anytime is a good time for chocolate! I'll take the dark kind.
Not really bad, but anytime is a good time for chocolate! I’ll take the dark kind.

What do you like to “waste time” doing?

 

What do I want?

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Good morning beautiful world! I decided to free write here this morning and see if I would be brave enough to publish it for my growing cadre of followers. Thank you for reading. Deciding to have a blog was something I’d been wanting to do, but when I wrote my first post, it was because I had something burning in me. I am finding that this isn’t usually the case – but I am not going to wait for inspiration to “hit” because there would be nothing here most of the time. And I realized that it is my blog so I can do anything I want! So sometimes there will be amazing profundity flowing through my fingers, other times it may just be a few photos or a poem I have found. Heck, maybe I’ll post a recipe some day.

I keep going back to the questions “who am I, what do I want, what is my purpose?” Sometimes I want a voice thundering down from the sky with a very clear answer.  The question that is bothering me the most at the moment is  what do I want – relative to my daily work. I go to a job every day that is at times tedious, but does give me opportunity to interact with people and achieve part of what I know my purpose is – to encourage others and help where I can. I make a decent income to maintain my minimalist lifestyle, and I have everything I need and more.

I decided in February to invest in some organic products – skin and body care mostly, as well as some superfoods – with the intention of growing a business. I love the products, but am somewhat uncertain as to what I really really want to do. I have never been one to want to sell anything, yet I would like to break out of the box of “just” going to work every day, and I know if I put some work into it, I could have a little flow of income established, at the very least. Sigh. I think I’m feeling a bit lazy about it at the moment.

So I go to the Spiritual Law of the Day, and find that Thursday’s is the Law of Intention and Desire. Of course! So I  will go about my day, following the rhythm of life, putting one foot in front of the other, looking for opportunities to make a positive difference in at least one person’s life. And I will look for synchronicity – those amazing things that happen that affirm that my life is one strand in the larger web of life. Letting life unfold, making choices as situations and opportunities arise, the answers will come.

The Essence of Desire

I did not

have to ask my heart

what it wanted,

because of all the desires

I have ever known,

just one did I cling to,

for it was the essence of all desire:

to hold beauty

in my soul’s arms.

–St John of the Cross

 

Uncertain weekend

Sara Moser1 Comment

uncertain sign

Texas. Everything is here, even the town of Uncertain. I found this town on a map a couple of years ago, when I was wanting to find a cabin by a lake. Last weekend my desire was fulfilled. My sweetheart had also been wanting to go there for a long time, so we  were happy to find ourselves there together, fulfilling our mutual thirst for being in nature, getting in touch with the vibration of the universe.

We rented a cabin for two nights very near this swampy, lily pad engorged body of water.

Cypress trees

Lily pad bowl

The first thing we noticed, after the long hair of the Spanish moss draped cypress trees, was the wonderful smell of the woods. Living near a big city, and refineries, this was a real treat.

Spanish moss lives off the air, is not harmful to the trees, and is actually related to pineapples!
Spanish moss lives off the air, is not harmful to the trees, and is actually related to pineapples!

Dragonflies were everywhere!

Dragonfly

Dragonflies start to grow in water and then move into the air and fly. When this spirit animal shows up in your life you may be called to transform and evolve. Symbol of metamorphosis and transformation, it inspires those who have it as a totem to bring about the changes needed in their lives in order to go to reach their full potential.

When this spirit animal shows up in your life, it’s an indication that it’s time for change. Just like the dragonfly changes colors as it matures, you may be called to live and experience yourself differently. Stay open to the enfoldment of your personal journey.  http://www.spiritanimal.info/dragonfly-spirit-animal/

The second morning we sat out under the trees on the edge of the lake, enjoying the stillness of the water, the intermittent sound of the frogs, the sight of the insects glittering on the surface of the water, and an occasional glimpse of a bird, although they were not easily visible. In the distance, I heard the sound of a boat. At first I was annoyed at this disturbance, but as it passed it had a certain beauty of its own, making the trees dance in the wavy reflections in its wake. The frogs stayed quiet for a minute as the sound faded, then, as if in answer to the vibration song of the boat’s motor, burst into l song, and at the same time, I seemed to feel the joy of the frogs — my entire body tingled and I almost wept. It was a wondrous experience.

Later that day we took a guided tour of the lake. It was hot, but it was worth it. Our guide, Chas, had grown up in the area and was very knowledgeable.

The trees look like they are dancing
The trees look like they are dancing

 

This place made me believe in dryads. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dryad
This place made me believe in dryads.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dryad
My favorite photo. The reflections are amazing.
My favorite photo. The reflections are amazing.

I definitely want to return to this magical place. I made friends in unexpected places!

First time to hug a tree. I really felt happy about it, and I think the tree did too.
First time to hug a tree. I really felt happy about it, and I think the tree did too.

 

Expansion of Happiness

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I am finding, as I embrace uncertainty, that I am happier. Certainly there will be difficulties and sorrows in life, but there are ways of living that not only increase happiness when the sun is shining, but that will also keep the storms of life from tearing up my (or your) soul.

Here are some ways of being that I have found that ultimately lighten my burden and increase my happiness:

  • I don’t feel a need to please everyone.
  • I don’t feel a compulsion to explain myself anymore (most of the time!).
  • It’s ok if some people don’t “get” me. The ones who count, do.
  • I can be unavailable sometimes. I don’t have to answer your question immediately.
  • Conversely, I don’t have to ask so many questions, or know all the answers.
  • I don’t have to be anyone else’s idea of perfect. I am the only one I have to please – and it is ok if I’m a little bit (or a lot!) crazy.

I am realizing every day that there is no limit to my capacity to experience happiness. I’ve been going through a lot of transition the last couple of years — I divorced and moved from a house to an apartment, my two youngest children left home within 14 months of each other, I have a new wonderful love relationship,, my elderly father is becoming more dependent and childlike as his once brilliant mind fades — just to mention a few real life situations. But as I let life unfold, and take care of me first, which is what the list above is really about, I find that I have joy even when the road is bumpy, and a greater capacity for extending love and compassion to others.

“Although relatively few of us were told during our upbringing that the expansion of happiness is the purpose of life, most people sense somewhere in their soul that more joy ought to be part of the equation. How, then, do we move from a state of constriction to a state of ever greater freedom and happiness? the first step towards genuine awakening is setting the intention..deciding to live a life that reflects our right to happiness. This requires the recognition that we have the capacity to change the plotline of our life, even if we’ve been acting from the same script since before we can remember. It requires the recognition that we are the only one who cares enough about our happiness to make it a driving force. It requires believing at the deepest level of our being that we are capable and deserving of love.” – David Simon

What do you do for yourself, to increase your happiness?

unblocking creativity

Sara Moser1 Comment

I have been on a quest to find my inner artist since last fall when a man I barely knew put a canvas in front of me and a paintbrush in my hand and said “you are an artist”.  I have  been changing the story in my head about myself, silencing the voice that said “you can’t”,  and dabbling in painting, drawing, writing. This blog is my latest adventure  in seeking to finding my voice, and I keep running across inspiration to help me in this journey. Today it is an interview with Carole King. She said:

If you are sitting down and you feel that you want to write and nothing is coming, you get up and do something else. Then you come back again and try it again. But you do it in a relaxed manner. Trust that it will be there. If it ever was once and you’ve ever done it once, it will be back. It always comes back and the only thing that is a problem is when you get in your own way worrying about it.

She may have been talking about writing music, but this is applicable to any creative expression.

Here is my first painting, the one I did that day in September:

Sara's first painting Sept 15 2013

 After I quit overthinking  it,  I just chose the primary colors and went to it.  It looks pretty much like a child’s finger painting, on the one hand, but I expressed the emotions I was feeling that day and it was like putting a stake in the ground that said “this is a turning point!”

Soon after, I went on an expedition to an art supply store, with the same man, who I was getting to know quite well, and bought my own paint and canvases. I doodled around with it for a month or so, then expressed myself here:

Sara's second painting Nov 2013

This was something that I had seen in my mind’s eye when I first started meditating, and it represents freedom. The act of mixing the colors and putting the paint on the canvas until I was satisfied was a very raw and sensual experience.

Since then, I have attended a couple of classes, painted a  tree and some mountains as well as playing abstractedly, have all kinds of ideas, but haven’t devoted as much time as I’d really like to this. The thing I am learning, though, whether it is in drawing or painting, or coloring between the lines of a picture someone else drew, or  in writing, or singing, or – you name it – it is not in whether I have extraordinary talent, it is in the expressing, the releasing of what is inside me bursting to get out. Then — to risk ridicule by letting another see what I have done, and get to the place of not caring what others think – this is in itself quite an accomplishment for me.

Someday I hope to “quit my day job” and have much more time for these pursuits. For now, I  simply take each day, each moment, and do the next thing, which at the moment is writing this!

As for the man who handed me the paintbrush — he has become to me so much more than words can say. He delights and encourages me every day, with his own brand of creativity, his ingenuousness, and his unwavering determination.