Tag: painting

Dreams

Time Marches on

Sara Moser7 Comments

March is upon us, February now another memory.

Winter is my least favorite month. Having been raised in the south, where snow is a rarity and cold weather a bother, I don’t own very many winter clothes. I think I have 5 sweaters and I only have one coat that I use on a regular basis. Two weeks ago it was up in the 70’s, then the storm that dumped snow on the north brought temps here to the 30’s again. I look forward to seeing the flowers blooming again, very soon.

My baby girl, my youngest, turned 19 in February. Young mothers, take note. Enjoy your babies and your young children, for they grow up very very fast.

“Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow, for babies grow up, we’ve learned to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.”               -author unknown

I wrote 4 blog posts in February, and posted 2 pictures.  Not as much as I had been doing, but I feel like I had a turning point in that I quit focusing on stats and writing just for the sake of writing. I journal a lot and decided to return to writing longhand for awhile, to see if it changes the flow. I read some of my journal from the past year, and what kept coming up was – “I want to” – write, paint, study, exercise, eat healthier, travel.  I’m determined to get rid of the I want to attitude, and just do it instead of putting it off.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.              – Steve Jobs

I added 3 pages to my blog – paintings, fav fotos, and my reading list. I read  A Spool of Blue Thread by Ann Tyler, the first fiction book I’ve enjoyed in a long time. I started the year with 5 titles, and now have 10 on the list. I’ve cut back on Netflix to make time for reading!

I’m on the verge of enrolling in a course of study to be an Ayurvedic practiioner. I’m 99% sure I’m going to do it. The only drawback is that I might not get to read as many books as I’ve been planning.

I painted this picture, my favorite so far.

between worlds

I have signed up for Photography 101 in March, so you will see photos here, primarily. I have ideas for blog topics, but they have been getting lost between my brain and my pen!

And I started a facebook fan page. 🙂

Goals for March:    Keep showing up!  Take pictures, read, write, paint.   Practice being nonjudgmental. Follow my heart.

It’s February!

Sara Moser8 Comments

Here in southeast Texas it is 60 degrees. The temp is expected to climb into the 70’s this afternoon, then rain and a cold front, down in the 40’s tonight. This is my early morning lake view – if you look closely you can see the little coots.

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Looking back at the first month of the year objectively (if that is possible!) I am pleased with myself. I set some reading goals for myself  and finished the first book in about 3 weeks. Additionally, I finished Having our Say and returned it to the wine bar down the street. Setting a goal of only five books in a year may not seem like much, but I had gotten so out of the habit of reading that I  wanted to be realistic.  Now that I finished not one, but two books in under a month, I will likely add a few more to my list.

I posted here 13 times. I’ve thought about trying to write here every day and decided against it. I wrote a cathartic letter to my father, wrote from prompts a few times, and put up a couple of pictures I particularly liked. I have added several blogs to those I follow, and am enjoying interaction with some of you who follow me. (And I thank you for reading!) During November when I was partaking in Blogging 101 and Photography 101 it was exciting to see the numbers going up on my stats page. This past month I decided to pay less attention to that and continue my original purpose, which was and is to push past the fear of uncertainty and explore my voice and inner creativity.

I painted this picture:

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Although not entirely original, because I followed instructions from a book on acrylic painting, it is my own result, I learned some new techniques, and am very proud of it.

Other things I have done this month: Continued meditation, twice daily. Improved my eating habits. Committed to yoga class twice a week, for at least 3 months. Started walking outside more, as weather permits. Got Reiki 1 certification.

Goals for February: Keep showing up! Read, write, paint, draw. Practice kindness.

JUST FOR TODAY (reiki principles)

I will let go of worry

I will let go of anger

I will do my work honestly

I will give thanks for my many blessings

I will be kind to every living thing

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Freedom from fear

Recovering a Sense of Identity – Part Two

Sara Moser3 Comments

Everything has a purpose. Even if you have spent part of your life dealing with a Crazymaker. Take it from me!

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose. — Elisabeth Kubler Ross

This post is a continuation of commentary springing from my reading of the second chapter of The Artist’s Way. If any of this is resonating with you, I highly recommend that you get this book. Even though it is supposed to be a 12 week course, life happens and if it takes 12 years that is ok.

In addition to really emphasizing the need to get away from toxic people, the author reminds us that there is a higher guidance available to us in moving through our fear and accessing our creativity. We tend to think that it is arrogant to speak of ourselves as creative artists, but the truth is that it is arrogance to refuse to acknowledge it. Whew!

To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive. — Robert Louis Stevenson

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Every time you don’t follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness. –Shakti Gawain

It is one thing to point the finger at others as the barrier to our recovery, but an even greater enemy comes from within, Ms Cameron goes on to say, and that enemy is skepticism!  It doesn’t matter what our belief system is — we have this tendency to doubt the idea of creator and creativity. But, I am learning,  the thing to do is just keep letting it flow in spite of doubt. The author recommends morning pages – freely writing about 3 pages, longhand, every morning. I have been doing this fairly consistently, and I think it is making a difference, somehow, even in the midst of a very busy life.. The “artist’s date” has been a little more elusive – it is doing something by myself, with “my artist.” So far, I’ve taken myself shopping a couple of times and spent a little time painting, but haven’t really dedicated myself to doing anything, although I think I’m getting better at just being with myself, getting in touch with the silence within, primarily through meditation. But I digress.

We need to look for unexpected opportunities, or coincidences, or as Deepak Chopra says, synchronicity. We need to set aside our skepticism, take risks, and nudge open that door through which we can see dazzling light. In that light are lots of ideas that seem impossible, so we stick with the comfortableness of the dark room we are in. It takes recognizing that wall of fear and continuing to push the door open and walk into the light of creativity.

Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music –the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures,beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself. — Henry Miller

Long ago, before the internet and email and social media, people stayed in touch by writing letters about their lives and sending them to each other. Often those letters were about small details of their day, or observations about what flowers were blooming or the change in the weather. This paying attention to detail about the now is a way to connect to the universe and expand happiness and creativity. The reward for attention is always healing. I have journaled on and off through the years, and much of what I have written about is pain. The author of Artists Way also notes that she has written about pain, and that is what it took to get her to pay attention to the present moment. Think about it. The past may be too painful to want to remember, and the future could be too terrifying to contemplate, so focusing on the right now is the safe place to be. Right now, I’m breathing, and in the exact now, I am always all right.

What is blocking you? and what are you going to do about it?

Crazy feelings!

Recovering a Sense of Identity – Part One

Sara Moser2 Comments

All sanity depends on this: that it should be a delight to feel heat strike the skin, a delight to stand upright, knowing the bones are moving easily under the flesh. — Doris Lessing

I started this blog after reading chapter one of The Artist’s Way. After almost 2 months, I opened the book again. I have borrowed the title of Week 2 here. I got pretty excited as I read that we must  “Go Sane” to recover and begin to trust our creativity again, and we might look crazy and erratic in the process. What  a relief! This endeavor has certainly been erratic!  The first post was truly inspired, and I wanted to keep writing, but inspiration is not always there when I want it! But I decided that the most important thing to do is write, for myself first, and if others can gain something, whether it be a laugh, encouragement, or a sense of community, that’s great, and if no one reads it, its ok, I have still expressed myself.

Children are so naturally creative and expressive. What happens to us that often we lose that, or squash it to the point that any creative endeavors are met with self-doubt?. I was creative all my life, others saw it and acknowledged it, but I didn’t believe it. Now – I wish I had more time to write, to paint, to just color with pretty colored pencils, even to do needlepoint again. But for now, I will do what I can, and reading this book and writing is part of my journey to unknown delights.

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Snipers are people who undermine your efforts to break unhealthy relationship patterns. – Jody Hayes

A major part of this chapter is devoted to “poisonous playmates”, otherwise known as people who are toxic, who will capsize the artist’s growth. Another name for some of these types is “crazymakers.”What a great word for people who create so much drama around themselves that they bring everyone else to a point of craziness.

These are the people who are charismatic, charming, often highly creative themselves, but they become destructive to those around them because they have to be the center of attention and basically suck the energy out of anyone near them. Here are some things she said Crazymakers do, and I can say this is absolutely true, based on being married to one for way too long:

  • break deals and destroy schedules ( yours)
  • expect special treatment
  • discount your reality
  • spend your time and money
  • triangulate those they deal with
  • are expert blamers
  • create dramas – but seldom where they belong
  • hate schedules – except their own
  • hate order – chaos serves their purposes
  • deny that they are crazymakers

But then – if crazymakers are that destructive, what are we doing involved with them?  The answer, as surprising as it seems, is that we are that crazy ourselves and that self – destructive.

Since I have been away from that situation in my personal life, I can see that this is true. Hard to admit, but true. Somehow, dealing with those circumstances is less frightening than the challenge of a creative life of our own. Fear of ourselves can be a strong enemy.

So – the first step is to admit the truth of your situation – that this crazy person is actually a block you chose yourself, to deter you from the path of creativity and true happiness. A book that helped me make the changes that  led to personal freedom and eventually a pursuit of creativity is Discovering Choices. Another good one is Opening our Hearts, Transforming our Losses. Those two books, as well as attending Al-anon meetings for a while, are what got me to see that I could make a change and have a better life.

 

 

unblocking creativity

Sara Moser1 Comment

I have been on a quest to find my inner artist since last fall when a man I barely knew put a canvas in front of me and a paintbrush in my hand and said “you are an artist”.  I have  been changing the story in my head about myself, silencing the voice that said “you can’t”,  and dabbling in painting, drawing, writing. This blog is my latest adventure  in seeking to finding my voice, and I keep running across inspiration to help me in this journey. Today it is an interview with Carole King. She said:

If you are sitting down and you feel that you want to write and nothing is coming, you get up and do something else. Then you come back again and try it again. But you do it in a relaxed manner. Trust that it will be there. If it ever was once and you’ve ever done it once, it will be back. It always comes back and the only thing that is a problem is when you get in your own way worrying about it.

She may have been talking about writing music, but this is applicable to any creative expression.

Here is my first painting, the one I did that day in September:

Sara's first painting Sept 15 2013

 After I quit overthinking  it,  I just chose the primary colors and went to it.  It looks pretty much like a child’s finger painting, on the one hand, but I expressed the emotions I was feeling that day and it was like putting a stake in the ground that said “this is a turning point!”

Soon after, I went on an expedition to an art supply store, with the same man, who I was getting to know quite well, and bought my own paint and canvases. I doodled around with it for a month or so, then expressed myself here:

Sara's second painting Nov 2013

This was something that I had seen in my mind’s eye when I first started meditating, and it represents freedom. The act of mixing the colors and putting the paint on the canvas until I was satisfied was a very raw and sensual experience.

Since then, I have attended a couple of classes, painted a  tree and some mountains as well as playing abstractedly, have all kinds of ideas, but haven’t devoted as much time as I’d really like to this. The thing I am learning, though, whether it is in drawing or painting, or coloring between the lines of a picture someone else drew, or  in writing, or singing, or – you name it – it is not in whether I have extraordinary talent, it is in the expressing, the releasing of what is inside me bursting to get out. Then — to risk ridicule by letting another see what I have done, and get to the place of not caring what others think – this is in itself quite an accomplishment for me.

Someday I hope to “quit my day job” and have much more time for these pursuits. For now, I  simply take each day, each moment, and do the next thing, which at the moment is writing this!

As for the man who handed me the paintbrush — he has become to me so much more than words can say. He delights and encourages me every day, with his own brand of creativity, his ingenuousness, and his unwavering determination.