Inspiration

I spent five days with an amazing and inspiring group of people.

As part of my studies with New World Ayurveda, I traveled to Portland, Maine to participate in the first of two Clinical Intensives. Since I enrolled in this course about a year ago,I have been learning how to “read” people through looking at them externally, through pulse diagnosis, and in other subtle ways. It was really neat to get together and practice on each other. There’s nothing better than getting together with a group of likeminded people to boost one’s confidence!

Getting to know my co-students, hearing their stories, becoming friends through the intimacy of sharing our stories – that was even better. I was amazed to meet so many who have already walked through their fear and are living their passion, inspiring me that I CAN DO THIS, to stop looking back and keep looking forward.  I made new friends who give of themselves to pursue what they love, caring for family or traveling long distances, and just keep doing what they love. They gave me much to think on.

wp-1460249516517.pngWhat kept coming up, as others practiced on me, is that I still have some issues from the past that aren’t resolved. I have generally thought of myself as stating my mind, not being afraid to say what I think, yet the subtle vibrations in my pulse said otherwise, and as it came up it resonated with me to the point of bringing tears. I realized that I am still finding my voice and learning to speak my truth.  Thus I write here, and paint, and seek  out the company of people who inspire me to go to the next level.

“At some point, if you’re fortunate, you’ll hit a wall of truth and wonder what you’ve been doing with your life. At that point you’ll feel highly motivated to find out what frees you and helps you to be kinder and more loving, less klesha driven and confused. At that point you’ll actually want to be present—present as you go through a door, present as you take a step, present as you wash your hands or wash a dish, present to being triggered, present to simmering, present to the ebb and flow of your emotions and thoughts. Day in and day out, you’ll find that you notice sooner when you’re hooked, and it will be easier to refrain. If you continue to do this, a kind of shedding happens—a shedding of old habits, a shedding of being run around by pleasure and pain, a shedding of being held hostage by worldly concerns.” ~ Pema Chodron

I am inspired to push through the next wall of fear, to not look back, to dream big, to trust my intuition, and to love MORE.

If you want to learn more about ayurveda, New World Ayurveda is offering an introductory course. Check it out!

Transitions

The lake called to me this morning. I took my coffee and sat on the bench, drinking in the relative cool of the morning air.

 The surface of the lake is still, interrupted occasionally by a fish jumping or insect skimming the surface. The  light blue cloudless sky foreshadows another hot day – upper 90’s, high humidity. 

As I sat, memories of the last two years crowded my mind. I have lived and loved and learned so much — finally feel like I’m on the verge of adulthood, even though my 58th birthday is just around the corner. I break my life into segments – my childhood and adolescence, my first marriage with all the children, my second marriage with all the chaos, the first year after that of singleness and dating, of working on me like crazy, seeking the wholeness of loving myself first, and being ok with the possibility of living my life on my own, while also going out and having a great deal of fun meeting  a lot of new people.

I think of the times I sat on this bench, wanting to live where I could look out at this view every morning, and moving, just over a year ago, to the third floor apartment making my intention a reality.My heart swelled and I shed some happy tears, thinking about the events of the last year, since I met Robert, and the gradual awareness that this was the person with whom I wanted to spend time with, to share life with, and that this was a mutual experience. We took two trips to California, to the Chopra center, experiencing expansion of happiness. My first grandchild was born, my youngest child left home, my second eldest got married, which facilitated a reunion of all the kids, probably the last for a long time.

Now, another transition is happening, as Robert and I made a decision to share living quarters, both of us tired of the 40 minute drive between us. We are staying here, at my place by the lake, and it is an interesting and challenging endeavor in so many ways. We have been gradually bring his stuff in, working on the blending of our possessions in a way satisfactory to both, and it is a wonder to me that over and through all the decisions and work, there is a strong rope of peace and love connecting us, a healthy love, not emotional dependence.

As I continued pondering these things, gazing out at the beauty of the water and sky, a boat interrupst the silence, sending ripples my way, I find myself asking again – what is my purpose? The answer this morning is strong in my heart. I am a mother, have borne children and loved them as best I can. My continuing purpose is to be love, in whatever form that can take, with whomever I find myself sharing moments with. Everything else is icing.

Don’t worry, my heart tells me, rest in each moment, and don’t be afraid.

“Fate is how your life unfolds when you let fear determine your choices.  A path of destiny reveals itself to you, however, when you confront your fear and make conscious choices. ”     – Carolyn Myss