Tag: uncertainty

Sunday stream of consciousness writing

Sara Moser5 Comments

foggy morningI opened the windows last night because the air inside felt stagnant. After all the rain we’ve had, it warmed enough to be comfortable. This morning there is fog, and some kind of floating plant matter in the lake. I can hear the birds, but don’t see them. Feeling the cool air, wrapped in my fuzzy blanket – it’s almost like having a patio! The air inside is fresh again.

I had joined a group on meetup and was going to go running with them this morning. If I hadn’t changed my mind last night, I’d be there right now. But I had the realization that those days are over. I don’t want to injure my body again. I pushed it to its limits and last year it protested with a back injury, and with  gentle yoga and moderate walking I am finally pain free. Why would I put myself in the position of reinjuring myself, my body seemed to ask me? So here I sit, my body softer, but happier, enjoying the morning. I’ll do my yoga in a bit.

I was determined to finish  A Woman’s Book of Life, and I did, last night. This book is amazing, as it traces a woman’s life from birth to death. I needed to read it at this time in my life.  As a result of this read, I am more okay with my life as it has been, and more accepting of my own aging. At 58, I am considered “elderly” by the younger generation, and I am going to embrace the uncertainty of what that might mean.  I am studying new things, learning to trust my intuition in new ways, and, on the physical plane, trying to let my crazy graying hair be what it is, which in a way is more challenging than anything else!

I listened to the first part of the first lecture of my new class with New World Ayurveda. The main thing I learned is that ayurveda is consciousness based healing. This is so exciting to me. As I’ve mentioned, I am a nurse working in a hospital and it is a revolving door for so many with chronic illness. Traditional western medicine only looks at the body, then divides the body into parts. Thus we have all the specialty areas, and doctors focusing down to just one organ, and prescribing a pill which will only manage symptoms. I am excited to be learning to look at the person as more than just a body.

Last night, we watched The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. The first one, not the current one in theaters. Excellent, fun, movie! I wonder if part 2 is as good.

Today, I will spend some time with my sweetheart, Robert. It’s a beautiful day, so perhaps we’ll go to the park and sit in the sun. I want to paint a bit, read, and see how life unfolds.

 

Make the decision

Sara Moser3 Comments


“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back…Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!” – attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Once the commitment is made, calmness and clarity arrive. Up until that point, your mind may be full of what if’s, I can’t, this is too much, is this the wrong choice?  Then, in a moment, you take the step, you say you will, you pay your money. There’s a flurry of activity, excitement, a bit of fear…but you’re in! You’re really going to do this thing! It could be going to college, or starting a new job, or buying airline or cruise tickets, or moving across the country or across the world.

In my case, the decision was to sign up with New World Ayurveda, with the goal of becoming an Ayurvedic Practitioner. I investigated, meditated, questioned, prayed. It seemed good, and a path that fit with my passion. I wrestled in my head and heart and decided to go for it. It wasn’t that it was right or wrong, it just fit. And once I decided, I felt peace. I’ve paid my money, have access online, am waiting for some books. I can start setting goals and studying today! I’m calm and excited at the same time. I’ve started looking at the material and could easily get overwhelmed, but I refuse to go there. I’m on a path, I have purpose, and all I have to do is keep walking. The uncertainty will always be there.

embrace uncertainty

Following my passion

Sara Moser1 Comment

 “Let the beauty you love be what you do.”   -Rumi

For about three years I have been on a journey of the soul, seeking what is next for me, in how I live my life, and how I will spend the majority of my hours. For the last year, as part of my meditation practice, I have been asking myself three questions: Who am I? What do I really, really want? What is my dharma, my purpose?

I have made conscious life changes during this time, the only constant being that I go to my job consistently. And this has been, and is, a good thing. Besides being my bread and butter, I made some very good friends. I plan to continue going to this job for at least another year, in spite of major workplace changes, unless circumstances dictate otherwise.

tridosha-symbol

I am very happy to announce that I have enrolled in a course of study to become an ayurvedic practioner. I have looked into life and health coaching programs, but nothing spoke to my soul until I came across this program. I believe in looking for signs, synchronicity, clues from the universe that some might call coincidence. I “met” Melissa, whose blog is Sattvic Life, after I posted about my experience with the Hot Belly Diet. She blogs about her journey learning ayurveda and her joy in life. She has been an inspiration to me.

My entire adult life I have embraced various schools of thought regarding what is healthy, from studying medical nutrition in nursing school to growing my own food and making everything from scratch, and quite a lot in between. I realized that my passion is in promoting wellness, and what I know already about ayurveda is that its focus is on balancing that which is out of balance – mind, body, and spirit, as opposed to western medicine’s focus of focusing on only the physical and providing a pill for every ailment without addressing the root cause.

My dream is that in pursuing this course of study I will learn more about how to promote good health, using what I already know as a Registered Nurse, and integrating the new knowledge I will acquire. I want to have the abilities and credentials to establish a business in which I can help those who seek perfect health.

So here I go, continuing the journey. I am quite excited!

Dreams

Time Marches on

Sara Moser7 Comments

March is upon us, February now another memory.

Winter is my least favorite month. Having been raised in the south, where snow is a rarity and cold weather a bother, I don’t own very many winter clothes. I think I have 5 sweaters and I only have one coat that I use on a regular basis. Two weeks ago it was up in the 70’s, then the storm that dumped snow on the north brought temps here to the 30’s again. I look forward to seeing the flowers blooming again, very soon.

My baby girl, my youngest, turned 19 in February. Young mothers, take note. Enjoy your babies and your young children, for they grow up very very fast.

“Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow, for babies grow up, we’ve learned to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.”               -author unknown

I wrote 4 blog posts in February, and posted 2 pictures.  Not as much as I had been doing, but I feel like I had a turning point in that I quit focusing on stats and writing just for the sake of writing. I journal a lot and decided to return to writing longhand for awhile, to see if it changes the flow. I read some of my journal from the past year, and what kept coming up was – “I want to” – write, paint, study, exercise, eat healthier, travel.  I’m determined to get rid of the I want to attitude, and just do it instead of putting it off.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.              – Steve Jobs

I added 3 pages to my blog – paintings, fav fotos, and my reading list. I read  A Spool of Blue Thread by Ann Tyler, the first fiction book I’ve enjoyed in a long time. I started the year with 5 titles, and now have 10 on the list. I’ve cut back on Netflix to make time for reading!

I’m on the verge of enrolling in a course of study to be an Ayurvedic practiioner. I’m 99% sure I’m going to do it. The only drawback is that I might not get to read as many books as I’ve been planning.

I painted this picture, my favorite so far.

between worlds

I have signed up for Photography 101 in March, so you will see photos here, primarily. I have ideas for blog topics, but they have been getting lost between my brain and my pen!

And I started a facebook fan page. 🙂

Goals for March:    Keep showing up!  Take pictures, read, write, paint.   Practice being nonjudgmental. Follow my heart.

Nothing to lose

Sara Moser5 Comments

As I near what is commonly known as “retirement age”, dreams, fantasies, and desires for the future invade my thoughts frequently.

I don’t really know what retirement would mean for me, as I don’t have near the amount of savings that I would have had had I lived a “sensible” life. I do know that I want to keep making a difference in the world, and promote health and happiness to individuals who seek it. For about the past year, and even before then, I have been setting intentions and seeking guidance for what to do next. I have come to believe in synchronicity, which is another word for what many call coincidences. I have investigated some wellness coach and life coach programs, but so far have been unwilling and afraid to commit my money and my time.

I am a Registered Nurse but only hold a two year degree, obtained immediately after high school in the late 70’s. I decided 3 years ago to pursue my Bachelor’s degree, as it is required in more and more settings. After 3 classes, and the realization that I would have to take Algebra, I said “no more”. I don’t love the profession enough to  seek a higher degree at my age! If I’m going to study, I want to love it! I also disagree  with our modern pill-pushing healthcare system, often sad about the chronically ill people who flow the hospital’s revolving doors. There is a better way, I know, as I have practiced my own form of natural medicine for myself and my children for the years I was raising them, and sickness was, and still is, a rarity.

“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”                                                                                                      -Steve Jobs

nature

The above quote landed in my inbox a couple of days ago, just as I also had begun to seriously consider a course of study to become an Ayurvedic practioner. I was fighting off all the negative thoughts that bombard me every time I consider making a major change or commitment. Is it fear of failure? Not being good enough, or smart enough, or _____enough? Yes! And what have I got to lose if I move forward and follow my dreams? Nothing! For this life is short, and purpose is to be found in the fulfillment of our heart’s desires.

Several people have affirmed to me in the past month that I am smart, powerful, intuitive, and can do anything I want to do. I have a multitude of choices, a variety of paths I can follow, and all I have to do is choose. There is no wrong choice, no bad path. I just need to take a step in a new direction, and keep walking, without knowing what the outcome will be.