Searching for purpose

“What do I really, really want?”

This is the question that I ask myself often, a soul question.

I have a great job, although it certainly isn’t a passion. I am good at it, I like the security the paycheck gives me, I have a boss who gives me space as well as encouragement. My kids are grown and doing fine, and I have a great life and wonderful partner to share it with.

Yet. Always this question. I know that I want to spend more time outside in nature, more time writing and photographing, more time dabbling in paint and other creative endeavors. I want to travel to places I’ve never been. And I want to find a way to help others live a happier, healthier way.

I’m glad I signed up for Photography 101. I’ve been enjoying the different assignments, although right now I’m rather stuck, and tired of using my phone camera. I want to be able to take beautiful close up shots like these beautiful pelicans.

Blogging 101 has been mostly about how to set up my wordpress site, not so much about writing. Maybe that will come in Blogging 102. It’s been helpful, even stretched me to write a poem one day. I’ve connected with quite a few other bloggers, who inspire me to keep writing, keep taking pictures, keep traveling and experiencing life to the fullest.

As I sat this past weekend, outside on a beautiful day, savoring the sights, sounds, and scents around me, this question formed in my mind: ” God, Great Spirit, Universe – what am I supposed to do? What is my purpose?” I sat in silence for a while, then the realization slowly dawned on me that I can do anything I want. I need to stop looking outside myself for answers, and look within, face my fear (again!), and when I am ready, I will take the next step, whatever that is, and it will be exciting and uncomfortable, scary and exhilarating.

5 thoughts on “Searching for purpose

  1. I love the inquiry. Being with the question, in the question. Trusting that there is knowing, even if glimpses?
    This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

    Letters to a Young Poet
    …. You are so young, so before all beginning, and I want to beg you, as much as I can, dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer……
    Rilke, Rainer Maria

    Thank you for sharing your journey

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I want more laughs. To quote a famous character, “More.” More. More. MORE. And please do not throw water in my face. The last time that happened all I could say was “I’m melting. I’m melting.” You’d be surprised at how hard it is to get H2O back to my form. And don’t remind me that 90% of our body is water. Please. Dorothy said that while she was using that squeegee to put me in the bucket.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have felt the same way. I know I have a good life. I am blessed to have a great husband, two healthy girls, and another child on the way. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, but there is still so much I want to do for myself. I’m always held back by something whether it’s fear of failure, or feeling selfish for wanting things for myself. But I have to remind myself that never trying is worse than failure. I have to remember that if I do things that make me happy, then my family will be happier as well. Thank you for posting this!

    Liked by 1 person

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