Tag: peace

What do I have?

Sara Moser3 Comments

The last two years have brought many changes in my life. I got out of an unhealthy relationship,  moved, my two youngest offspring left home, and  I am now sharing daily life with the man of my dreams.  The only thing that didn’t really change during this time has been my job. I have been at it for nearly 5 years, and have been very thankful for the security and regularity it has provided during all these transitions.

I set some intentions relative to how and where I would live, and they have manifested in amazing ways. Yet I find myself continuing to ask myself “What do I really want?” This morning as I found myself pondering, I decided to focus instead on what I already have.

Peace.    I have been on a search for peace for years. I tried to find it through religion, friendships, moving from one relationship to another, but none of this worked.  I finally learned that I was looking outside myself for peace. Even expecting GOD to provide internal peace when I kept looking for people to make me happy didn’t work. While I was still married, I went to Al-anon meetings, and that program was the first place that I learned that I needed to take care of myself. I finally  became strong enough to make healthier decisions for me, as in getting a divorce instead of holding on to a fantasy.  Re-examining my beliefs about God, religion, and spirituality and beginning to meditate daily has led to the most peace I have known in my life – because I have found it within, instead of expecting it from outside myself.

“The world around us will never be peaceful until we ourselves are at PEACE WITHIN. If we are fighting and angry on the inside we will never experience the opposite on the outside.”
― Angie Karan Krezos

Love.   The greatest thing in life is to give and receive love. Without doubt, I have always been loved – I had a good upbringing with loving parents, have been in love relationships, and have had the love of my children, which I would have to say is the most special of all. I have generally taken care of myself, but until I began in earnest a quest for enlightenment, didn’t realize that I hadn’t been truly loving myself, which had the effect of an inability to give love unselfishly. Unselfish love doesn’t demand anything in return, yet attracts lovingkindness.

“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.”  ― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Freedom.   When I focused on the chaos around me and in me, I attracted chaos.As I learned that peace and love had to begin with me, I began to attracted peaceful and loving people into my life.  As my life changed, and I disentangled myself from that which didn’t serve me well, I began to experience a buoyancy of spirit. I also did something I’d wanted to do for a long time – divested myself of homeownership along with numerous possessions and embraced a more minimalistic lifestyle. This lightness of spirit plus minimalism has led to a sense of freedom that I’ve never known. I must add here that the fact that my 7 children don’t live with me anymore also contributes to that sense of freedom.

“Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.” ― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own

As I ponder these ideas, I am thankful for every step of the journey that has brought me to HERE.  A huge life lesson is to learn to live without regrets, whether it be about how I failed my children, or wasn’t able to stay married, or wasted money. All those things were part of what I was supposed to learn. I have no doubt that I have more lessons ahead of me. I plan to meet whatever challenges lie ahead with peace, love, and hope.

 

 

 

 

 

After Thanksgiving

Sara Moser3 Comments

I have had a cold.

I rarely get sick, but when I do, even a little, it puts me in a funk. So I didn’t do the last Photography 101 assignments. I am considering getting a “real” camera, but not sure. I imagine taking award winning photos and becoming famous for my amazing pictures.

I enjoyed Thanksgiving day, partook of a not so traditional meal with a non-traditional family. It was wonderful. Drank a good bit of good red wine. That evening I became feverish with a severe sore throat, but was better by the next morning due to some TLC from Robert and  a long sleep. The rest of the weekend I’ve been congested in my head, have drunk a lot of tea and rested, and am much better. Off to work I go this morning.

I am grateful for my family — scattered grown up children, ghosts of Thanksgivings past, when we’d have small children everywhere, 20+ at the table.

I am grateful for my present day friends – good food, good conversation, laughter and warmth.

I am grateful for my day to day life – the man in my life, the roof over my head, plenty to eat, clothes to wear.

I am grateful for the internet and social media – learning new ways to connect with people all over the world — hearing your thoughts and struggles, hoping to be an encouragement.

May your week after Thanksgiving be a time of renewed connection, mended relationships, and hope.

 

Searching for purpose

Sara Moser5 Comments

“What do I really, really want?”

This is the question that I ask myself often, a soul question.

I have a great job, although it certainly isn’t a passion. I am good at it, I like the security the paycheck gives me, I have a boss who gives me space as well as encouragement. My kids are grown and doing fine, and I have a great life and wonderful partner to share it with.

Yet. Always this question. I know that I want to spend more time outside in nature, more time writing and photographing, more time dabbling in paint and other creative endeavors. I want to travel to places I’ve never been. And I want to find a way to help others live a happier, healthier way.

I’m glad I signed up for Photography 101. I’ve been enjoying the different assignments, although right now I’m rather stuck, and tired of using my phone camera. I want to be able to take beautiful close up shots like these beautiful pelicans.

Blogging 101 has been mostly about how to set up my wordpress site, not so much about writing. Maybe that will come in Blogging 102. It’s been helpful, even stretched me to write a poem one day. I’ve connected with quite a few other bloggers, who inspire me to keep writing, keep taking pictures, keep traveling and experiencing life to the fullest.

As I sat this past weekend, outside on a beautiful day, savoring the sights, sounds, and scents around me, this question formed in my mind: ” God, Great Spirit, Universe – what am I supposed to do? What is my purpose?” I sat in silence for a while, then the realization slowly dawned on me that I can do anything I want. I need to stop looking outside myself for answers, and look within, face my fear (again!), and when I am ready, I will take the next step, whatever that is, and it will be exciting and uncomfortable, scary and exhilarating.

The Golden Key

Sara Moser6 Comments

I am a seeker. I’m always looking for more. More wisdom, more truth, more answers. My mind is active, my questions are many. I’ve found answers, kept some, discarded others. I continue searching – searching for that place of peace and quiet, settledness of mind.

So as I consider the question, where would I go if I had a golden key that would open any door, it didn’t take long for me to realize that I have already had the door open to that place. The key is meditation, and the place is mysterious.

I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths, and focus inward, and my mantra flows in the background. Just the act of closing my eyes opens the door to a new world. Thoughts arise, thoughts fall, I bring my attention back to center- it becomes a sort of dance, a flow. I gradually relax, tension releases. Sometimes there are many thoughts swirling around, and I wonder “is this really meditation?” Other times I am so tired I fall asleep. Then there are the special moments when I see something profound, or have a brilliant idea — but don’t remember it later.

These are a few of the things that happen to me during meditation. What I was taught is to practice nonjudgment about whatever happens. The point is to take the time (for me, it is 30 minutes, twice daily) to sit and be with myself. There is a cleansing, a releasing, that happens during meditation. Sometimes I feel a great deal of energy, particularly in my hands and feet. Always, without me even noticing it, there are those moments when I slip into “the gap”, that place between thoughts, where peace resides.

Over time, in daily life, I realize that I am less reactive, and others who know me say “there’s something different about you.”

I think everyone experiences something different, because we are all unique. What happens to you, when you sit with yourself?