Tag: meaning

Searching for purpose

Sara Moser5 Comments

“What do I really, really want?”

This is the question that I ask myself often, a soul question.

I have a great job, although it certainly isn’t a passion. I am good at it, I like the security the paycheck gives me, I have a boss who gives me space as well as encouragement. My kids are grown and doing fine, and I have a great life and wonderful partner to share it with.

Yet. Always this question. I know that I want to spend more time outside in nature, more time writing and photographing, more time dabbling in paint and other creative endeavors. I want to travel to places I’ve never been. And I want to find a way to help others live a happier, healthier way.

I’m glad I signed up for Photography 101. I’ve been enjoying the different assignments, although right now I’m rather stuck, and tired of using my phone camera. I want to be able to take beautiful close up shots like these beautiful pelicans.

Blogging 101 has been mostly about how to set up my wordpress site, not so much about writing. Maybe that will come in Blogging 102. It’s been helpful, even stretched me to write a poem one day. I’ve connected with quite a few other bloggers, who inspire me to keep writing, keep taking pictures, keep traveling and experiencing life to the fullest.

As I sat this past weekend, outside on a beautiful day, savoring the sights, sounds, and scents around me, this question formed in my mind: ” God, Great Spirit, Universe – what am I supposed to do? What is my purpose?” I sat in silence for a while, then the realization slowly dawned on me that I can do anything I want. I need to stop looking outside myself for answers, and look within, face my fear (again!), and when I am ready, I will take the next step, whatever that is, and it will be exciting and uncomfortable, scary and exhilarating.

Maybe I should be an advice columnist

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My first post was written during one of those inspirational moments that usually get away from me, but I had been thinking for quite some time about starting a blog, so I just went with it. That post is here. I just reread it myself, to give myself some inspiration. In some ways, I am writing for myself, and if anyone else enjoys it, that’s great. I want to be an encourager for anyone who is struggling with the uncertainty of what is around the next corner, who feels out of control, who may need a shoulder to cry on.

Are you at a place in your life where you want something to change? Maybe you are in a not so great relationship, or have adult children who aren’t following the path you wanted for them, or your health is deteriorating. I have something to offer you.

I’ve been married twice. That means I could look at myself as a failure in relationships. But I’m not. I take those times as a part of my life journey, what I needed to get where I am today. And have found myself, unexpectedly, in a beautiful loving relationship, with an amazing person. I had to change from within before this could happen, and learn to love and take care of myself.

I have 7 incredible children, all grown now, the youngest in college. When they were young, I homeschooled them, taught them what I believed at the the time to be truth, made some huge mistakes, and loved them, imperfectly, through it all. I have learned great things from each of them, and in spite of me they all think for themselves and are on their own beautiful journeys.

I have always pursued healthy living. When I was younger, I was sort of a Mother Earth, very thrifty, made things like bread and yogurt from scratch, had a garden,ate a lot of beans and whole grains. I’ve gone through some periods of not so healthy eating, but know that I feel better and function better when I eat to make my body and mind happy. Now I am interested in Ayurveda, and also believe that as I think, so I am.

These three topics are where my wisdom and experience lie. I could write a lot about any of them. I’m a Registered Nurse, but don’t like traditional medicine. I’ve thought about making career changes – becoming a psychotherapist, or a writer, a health or life coach. I still haven’t decided, but here I am writing, so that’s a start.

What are you struggling with? How can I help? Ask me a question, or share your own wisdom. I’d love to hear from you.

Relax!

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The best thing to do when frustration sets in is STOP.

So that’s what I did after writing my last post. I decided not to write, or paint, or work on my organic home business, and just enjoy life. So what have I been doing?

I’ve gone to a couple of social events – dinner, a movie, through Meetup.com.

I took a road trip to Austin last weekend, ate at some great places and spent some relaxed time with my son and some friends. Just driving – alone or with a companionable companion, watching the scenery, listening to music, talking – is very decompressing.

I took a class in mosaics, which was enjoyable, but I’ve decided that I’d rather paint!

I’ve been learning more about Ayurveda, and started  a 30 day program to “reset” my digestion – The Hot Belly diet. I’m on day 18 and feeling great!

I’ve signed up for a course through the Chopra Center – Synchrodestiny.

It came to me very clearly a few days ago that what I really, really want to do is get a health coach certification, and make a difference in the lives of people who are seeking wellness rather than embracing illness. Working in a hospital around sick people can be rather depressing after a while. Most of the clientele, at least at the hospital where I work, are in and out, chronically ill, dependent on doctors and pills, not really changing the way they live and really get better. So I am going to start writing down ideas and see where this goes.

Last but not least I’m moving my muscles again, slowly!  A little yoga, a few kettle bell swings, walking — the main thing is – RELAX!

What do you like to do when stress has taken over and you need to  relax?

Frustration

Sara Moser2 Comments

I really want to write. I sit down to write and thoughts just muddle around in my brain. What do I think I’m doing? Who do I think I am? I have loads of great thoughts and profundities, but putting it out on paper, or a blog post, seems to be impossible.

I am satisfied with life at the moment, and it seems that it is harder to compose anything meaningful when things are just trucking along. I’m still settling into a new living arrangement, and it is going well, but I am lacking time for creative endeavors. I think about writing an autobiography, or a fiction book based on people I’ve met at my apartment complex, or a children’s book. I want to make beautiful paintings, or take beautiful photographs.

Then there’s exercise, or lack thereof. I sit all day at work and fear my body is going to change shape as a result. Three years ago I had a personal trainer, and muscles, and was running. I feel that my body is softer, and slower, and I fear the consequences. Yet -the motivation isn’t strong enough to make a big change. Or maybe it’s the weather – it is too hot to do much moving. I’ve gotta blame something!

What I really want is to figure out a way to have the income that I have now, or more, and not have to put in so many hours in a windowless office doing work that for the most part doesn’t really help people live better lives. I keep asking the universe, have taken one step this year into a business that is going no where.

I read all the time – articles about taking risks, and living a live that I won’t regret — but my training is in nursing, my life experience has been mothering — and I’m afraid to take the risk of jumping off the cliff into the unknown.  It’s a catch 22 – right now I need to go to work so I’ll have money to eat and live, which means I don’t have time to do the things I want to do. But if I didn’t go to work, then I wouldn’t have money to do the things I want to do.

Everything sounds so great on the internet — put your email in here and I’ll send you these great tips on how your life can change for the better. Then I have to spend time unsubscribing from useless lists, or being bombarded in my inbox by things that don’t help.

Anyone out there share my frustration?

 

Crazy feelings!

Recovering a Sense of Identity – Part One

Sara Moser2 Comments

All sanity depends on this: that it should be a delight to feel heat strike the skin, a delight to stand upright, knowing the bones are moving easily under the flesh. — Doris Lessing

I started this blog after reading chapter one of The Artist’s Way. After almost 2 months, I opened the book again. I have borrowed the title of Week 2 here. I got pretty excited as I read that we must  “Go Sane” to recover and begin to trust our creativity again, and we might look crazy and erratic in the process. What  a relief! This endeavor has certainly been erratic!  The first post was truly inspired, and I wanted to keep writing, but inspiration is not always there when I want it! But I decided that the most important thing to do is write, for myself first, and if others can gain something, whether it be a laugh, encouragement, or a sense of community, that’s great, and if no one reads it, its ok, I have still expressed myself.

Children are so naturally creative and expressive. What happens to us that often we lose that, or squash it to the point that any creative endeavors are met with self-doubt?. I was creative all my life, others saw it and acknowledged it, but I didn’t believe it. Now – I wish I had more time to write, to paint, to just color with pretty colored pencils, even to do needlepoint again. But for now, I will do what I can, and reading this book and writing is part of my journey to unknown delights.

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Snipers are people who undermine your efforts to break unhealthy relationship patterns. – Jody Hayes

A major part of this chapter is devoted to “poisonous playmates”, otherwise known as people who are toxic, who will capsize the artist’s growth. Another name for some of these types is “crazymakers.”What a great word for people who create so much drama around themselves that they bring everyone else to a point of craziness.

These are the people who are charismatic, charming, often highly creative themselves, but they become destructive to those around them because they have to be the center of attention and basically suck the energy out of anyone near them. Here are some things she said Crazymakers do, and I can say this is absolutely true, based on being married to one for way too long:

  • break deals and destroy schedules ( yours)
  • expect special treatment
  • discount your reality
  • spend your time and money
  • triangulate those they deal with
  • are expert blamers
  • create dramas – but seldom where they belong
  • hate schedules – except their own
  • hate order – chaos serves their purposes
  • deny that they are crazymakers

But then – if crazymakers are that destructive, what are we doing involved with them?  The answer, as surprising as it seems, is that we are that crazy ourselves and that self – destructive.

Since I have been away from that situation in my personal life, I can see that this is true. Hard to admit, but true. Somehow, dealing with those circumstances is less frightening than the challenge of a creative life of our own. Fear of ourselves can be a strong enemy.

So – the first step is to admit the truth of your situation – that this crazy person is actually a block you chose yourself, to deter you from the path of creativity and true happiness. A book that helped me make the changes that  led to personal freedom and eventually a pursuit of creativity is Discovering Choices. Another good one is Opening our Hearts, Transforming our Losses. Those two books, as well as attending Al-anon meetings for a while, are what got me to see that I could make a change and have a better life.